The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Please be advised this content is for non-P-HWPCLDRSFCSJWs*. If you self-identify as a P-HWPCLDRSFCSJW, DO NOT CONTINUE READING. If you are a distributor of FLOTSAM**, you know how to reach me for clarification of any statement you deem inflammatory, is not approved by P-HWPCLDRSFCSJW or your masters, contains information you've never heard, or for any other fashion you wish. If you want to blame this on President Donald "The Hammer" Trump, please do not contact me, and instead reach out to the White House Office of Press Relations Management and take it up with them.
Fuel-powered engines operate very simply in theory. Everybody understands how engines work. You put a key in a slot. You turn a key. And boomshakala-Bob’s-yer-uncle, there you are, ready to put’er in gear and move right along.
Never mind the reality that gears and rack and pinion and tires and seals and filters and brakes and oil and other important fluids and parts must also be maintained or else major repairs costing mucho dinero will hound you for years. You see? You understand? The simple theory of how cars work is totally explained in the opening paragraph and that is the simple theory of how people look at their car.
And how they think of sex.
You put a Whangdoodle in a little fill’er neck. You turn this way and that and boomshakalaka-Bob’s-yer-uncle, there you are, put’er in gear and moving right along.
Never mind the reality that over-shoulder-boulder-holders may or may not be involved. Never mind the reality that bits of sheer fabrics and lacy peekaboos may need to be slowly removed or ripped off in a rush, dodged or fondled, and so forth, and if not done properly can result in much heartache. Never mind that just when you think you’re home, the gas runs out; or the aging vehicle can’t keep up with demand; or while you’re happily “driving down the highway”, a seal springs a leak leaving you with future obligations the likes of which you think will never end and you swear off sex…or at least promise to be more careful.
Just like engines look simple but are complicated, so is sex. Chemicals (gas for engines, hormones in bodies) involve internal combustion designed to convert energy in the chemical into mechanical energy. In both cases, “pistons” move up and down in a linear motion inside “cylinders” that, in turn, move “crankshafts” in a rotary motion. If pistons and cylinders are misaligned, not properly milled to spec, or so antique they give in under the pressure, the desired converted energy is lost and the trip is postponed.
You may infer the quotation marks in the above paragraph to imply tongue-in-cheek commentary; that phrase — tongue-in-cheek — is not meant as a pun.
But let’s say that the energy is converted, there is still danger. If the converted energy is weak the “engine” may not know the “trip” has begun much less is over leading to “check engine lights” coming on and somebody whispering that excitement-killing phrase, “Daddy-O, are we there yet?”
We humans simply take engines and sex for granted. We believe they will always work when we want them to and are surprised and angry when they don’t. I once had a mechanical engineer explain to me how engines work in four simple steps. One: Engine intakes air and fuel. Two: Compresses it until it Three: Explodes. Then Four: Exhausts. Or as he said it, and these are his words:
1. Suck.
2. Squeeze.
3. Pop.
4. Phooey.
Need I say more?
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** FLOTSAM means For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters
Fuel-powered engines operate very simply in theory. Everybody understands how engines work. You put a key in a slot. You turn a key. And boomshakala-Bob’s-yer-uncle, there you are, ready to put’er in gear and move right along.
Never mind the reality that gears and rack and pinion and tires and seals and filters and brakes and oil and other important fluids and parts must also be maintained or else major repairs costing mucho dinero will hound you for years. You see? You understand? The simple theory of how cars work is totally explained in the opening paragraph and that is the simple theory of how people look at their car.
And how they think of sex.
You put a Whangdoodle in a little fill’er neck. You turn this way and that and boomshakalaka-Bob’s-yer-uncle, there you are, put’er in gear and moving right along.
Never mind the reality that over-shoulder-boulder-holders may or may not be involved. Never mind the reality that bits of sheer fabrics and lacy peekaboos may need to be slowly removed or ripped off in a rush, dodged or fondled, and so forth, and if not done properly can result in much heartache. Never mind that just when you think you’re home, the gas runs out; are the aging vehicle can’t keep up with demand; or while you’re happily “driving down the highway”, a seal springs a leak leaving you with future obligations the likes of which you think will never end and you swear off sex…or at least promise to be more careful.
Just like engines look simple but are complicated, so is sex. Chemicals (gas for engines, hormones in bodies) involve internal combustion designed to convert energy in the chemical into mechanical energy. In both cases, “pistons” move up and down in a linear motion inside “cylinders” that, in turn, move “crankshafts” in a rotary motion. If pistons and cylinders are misaligned, not properly milled to spec, or so antique they give in under the pressure, the desired converted energy is lost and the trip is postponed.
You may infer the quotation marks in the above paragraph to imply tongue-in-cheek commentary; that phrase — tongue-in-cheek — is not meant as a pun.
But let’s say that the energy is converted, there is still danger. If the converted energy is weak the “engine” may not know the “trip” has begun much less is over leading to “check engine lights” coming on and somebody whispering that excitement-killing phrase, “Daddy-O, are we there yet?”
We humans simply take engines and sex for granted. We believe they will always work when we want them to and are surprised and angry when they don’t. I once had a mechanical engineer explain to me how engines work in four simple steps. One: Engine intakes air and fuel. Two: Compresses it until it Three: Explodes. Then Four: Exhausts. Or as he said it, and these are his words:
1. Suck.
2. Squeeze.
3. Pop.
4. Phooey.
Need I say more?
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