Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Ghost Chickens In The Sky

Angela's Fuunneeee Du Jour: #6


Angela: Yeah, the jokes are always on her.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Funniest Woman in the World


Hey, what do you call an underwater fart?
A depth charge!

Hahahahahahahaha. Yeah, that's the sort of thing I come up with when hanging out all day long while shootin' the Hooch in Helen, Georgia, with a kid who laughs too easy and thinks I'm just hilariously funny.

Her opinion is not wrong and I prefer to think of this child as one who has great discernment as opposed to her mother who, when I made jokes to her when she was growing up, simply wrinkled her nose and said, "MOM! Ewwww."

I tried to explain to my daughter that whole books [see below] have been written about farting, but that did not impress her. Thank goodness her daughter has more refined sensibilities and can laugh at God's little joke on mankind. Oh, yeah. God loves farts. Every time a fart is cut loose, God must giggle.

We know this because, being made in His image, well, who doesn't giggle when the wind is loosed? Everybody giggles...except teenage girls with bad attitudes who do not like their mother's jokes — but they don't count.

Internet search screenshot showing only a few of the books about God's little joke on mankind. 




Tuesday, July 17, 2018

It's pussy-hat season again, y'all.

At it again...all for you. 
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World



You'd think they'd learn, wouldn't you? But #CrunkNewsNetwork and agony sisters FLOTSAM** are riling the P-HWPCDLRSFC* again with outlandish stories of Donald "The Hammer" Trump and how he caved to Vladimir Vladimirovich "Damn don't I look good riding a horse shirtless" Putin. 

That's right. According to the #CrunkNewsNetwork and FLOTSAM, it is time for all the good P-HWPCDLRSFC to break out their pussy hats — in all the colors of politically correct inclusion, of course — and accuse "The Hammer" of being a male-member sucking, Russian-butt kissing, oafish hater-bully while crying in their Party Apparatchik-approved, low-foam, low-fat latté from Starbucks.

And why did #CrunkNewsNetwork and FLOTSAM say all that? Because "The Hammer" is doing what "The Hammer" does, that is, speaking plainly about what is really happening back home while making nice with hosts in other countries as he speaks plainly. Oh, yes, those hosts are thinking, "Damn. I ain't gonna mess with that." 

In the meantime, the P-HWPCDLRSFC read headlines.

"OOOOO. Bad form, O! Great Orange One," say headlines in one fashion after another. "No president has ever acted like that before! The sky is falling! Pushover! Deeply troubled. Disgraceful. Impeach NOW! Impale his great orange, blow-hard head on a pike!"

Thus the P-HWPCDLRSFC*, acolytes of the mainstream media, believe the headlines and immediately start preaching their message of doom: "We MUST do what the MSM says to the Great Orange One before we all DIE!"

Lawzuh merzee. These acolytes of purveyors of drivel are the same people whose children, cats, and dogs rule the roost. And that, boys and girls, is all you need to know about the validity of their opinions and their memory because, as anybody who's been keeping up with the real stories knows, it was the Smartest Woman in the Room — that is, Ol' Hill — and other Deep State Actors who sold out the interests of the people they said they served and is the real reason "The Hammer" has been having to go around the world and fix it.


VISIT DURDEN'S Consolidated Author Page 

P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
** FLOTSAM: For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters













Sunday, July 15, 2018

Angela's Funnee Du Jour: #5


Angela: Yeah, the jokes are always on her.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Funniest Woman in the World

Experts recommendations are in every online news outlet’s lineup of hot stories of the day.

A really big one I saw the other day was “Books you MUST read in each decade of your life.” 

Who chose those books to put on the list? Who chose the picture of the Bearded Urban Mountain Man reading a book in the sunset perched atop a crag? Who thought to even pose such a picture and sell it in the first place?

Do experts even think of the logistics of adhering to their commands? NO. THEY. DO. NOT.

They just make the list and tell us to follow it. They assume we’ll print out the list and carry it around with us for the rest of our lives.  

Experts have said to keep in your fridge or freezer:

  • Flower bulbs. Dig them up in the Fall, put them in the fridge, plant them in the Spring. 
  • Clothes that need ironing. That’s right. Take them out of the dryer before they are dry, put in a plastic bag, and put in the fridge until…get this, mind you…until you can iron them.
  • Apple cider vinegar mixed in water: must drink it every day.
  • Batteries, nail polish, fresh cut flowers, candles, glue
  • Sunscreen, all cosmetics, eye cream, beauty oils
  • Hard-to-clean laundry, sweaters, pantyhose, unwashed jeans
  • Bedding and accidentally sealed envelopes
  • Wooden antiques
  • Seeds
Are these experts hired by refrigerator manufacturers?













Friday, July 13, 2018

Ask a RadFem — War and Abortion: Same or different?

At it again...all for you. 
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World



A RadFem I know [you can read her full post at the end of this column if you so desire] had some things to say about abortion, war, men, and religion. 

I've always been amazed how anyone can twist real facts to support and condemn that which they love and hate, yet it happens every day, by men, women, religions, organizations, businesses, and governments, seeking to justify their actions and get what they want. These same also break laws, have laws written to support themselves and condemn others for no good reason and at a human cost that is staggering. 

Everybody knows these things happen. But, these are not in the majority for one very good reason. 

I, your Citizen Journalist, who usually does not opine about abortion on any kind of regular basis, shall do just that in the context of addressing some of Terre's arguments in support of abortion. 

Terre quoted an author** who says, "Abortion is about love, life, and death." Terre believes this otherwise she would not be recommending this reading material. The author is not wrong in that statement.

Abortion is about love — of self.
Abortion is about life — ending it. 
Abortion is about death —  of an innocent at the hands of a mother who should be protecting it. 

But, of course, that is not how Terre would see it. Her argument is that because men wage war, and the Pope makes rules about contraception but does nothing to support those children, then a woman deciding to kill her unborn child is a religious, yes sacred, duty. 

In other words, she is saying, "Well, if the boys get to do something wrong and feel good about it, then it must not be really wrong, and so then so can we girls kill our unborn children. Na-na-na-boo-boo. So there. Ha!"

In no universe would Terre ever describe herself as a limited thinker, yet that is exactly what she is. She lives in the Lost Land of Black and White where everything is simplified to the extreme and there are only two choices: Hers, that is correct, and yours, which is wrong. 

It looks easy to live in the Lost Land of Black and White, but in fact, those that live there are hollow and fragile, and when faced with reality, they dissolve into dust. 

Terre believes that men and women go to war (and we can infer she also means first responders like police, National Guard, etc.) because they love the concept of war and the very act of killing itself. Terre has reduced all reasons for war to a negative human trait: Domination.

My father was in the Air Force and I had several uncles and a grandfather who were Marines. (They have all passed.) I know a lot of active and retired soldiers and first responders. Not a one of them loved killing. None joined so that they could kill.* 

They joined to protect.


In order to protect, yes, these sometime must kill. That they have nightmares and other PTSD symptoms after the fact only goes to show that this act goes against their good natures. But they are willing to sacrifice themselves — and here is the key! — to protect others. 

Terre, in her Lost Land of Black and White, equates the killing of an unborn child by a mother who could not be bothered to sacrifice her lifestyle with a soldier's sacrifice of self in the face of an evil force whose aim is to kill mothers, fathers, and children

How are the two even remotely the same? 
They are not the same.
They cannot be the same.
And they never will be the same.

The latter, my friend, is sacrifice. And that is what is sacred about their duties because it comes from a place of love. Love is the dominant human trait and don't ever forget it.

Terre will never understand that and that is why she, who could do some real good in this world by identifying real evil and pointing it out (which she does do some of), instead wastes her time and intellect by supporting a politically correct notion that all abortion is a sacred female duty. 

Thinking like that is what has made it possible for the likes of another limited thinker and politically correct lemming, Lena Dunham, to say: "Now I can say that I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had."

That thinking makes me sick — and furious.

Those who holler loudest about caring are the very ones who care the least. 

Those who holler loudest about equality are the very ones who believe they matter more than you.

Those who holler loudest about rights are the very ones who seek to take yours away by hook or crook.

Yes, these who holler loudest are dictators looking for a position in the new ruling party. 

The rest of us, we quietly go about making real sacrifices for real people, solving complicated issues for the good of the our communities. That is what holds together our communities and makes them safe.

And because we are quiet, the Terres and Lenas of this world with their limited thinking and blind-leading-the-blind behavior, think they are right and in a position of strength. 

They cannot be further from wrong. And for that, I thank Almighty God.


It is our duty to keep reality in their faces by supporting what is truly sacred and living by a code that does not devalue life. And that is what motivates your Citizen Journalist. 






VISIT THIS PAGE TO SEE DURDEN'S


* If you are reading this and saying, "Yeah, well, some do like to kill; what about that guy that did this horrible thing here?", then you are missing the point and you can just hush. 

** Please note the author changed the title of the book from "The Sacrament of Abortion" to "The Psychology of Abortion." The interior pages remained the same.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

The Politics of Boobs Strikes Again!

At it again...all for you. 

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World


According to this story on MSN.com, the U.S. opposed an easy-to-pass, no-brainer, breastfeeding resolution and the world was stunned.

Well, I read the entire article and, frankly, by the time I got to the end of it I had identified the following:

One: Everybody agrees breastfeeding is good.

Two: The U.S. wanted language that would allow women, who cannot breastfeed, options to feeding their child so that child will not starve to death.

Three: Russia and Obama were the caring heroes.

Four: Trump and the U.S. were the big, bad meanies who even threatened lots of little countries with disappearance of money and military if they voted for breastfeeding.

Five: Somehow sugary products and labeling got in the mix and diseases like Ebola will spread wide because Trump is a creep.

Six: Quoted were one named expert (breastfeeding is good!), one British advocacy group rep (We are astonished!), and somebody from the World Health Organization (Trump will bring back Ebola if we don't get our money!).

Seven: Lots of inferring and unnamed sources who were scared of losing their jobs, blah, blah, blah.

So, let your Citizen Journalist make this all clear for you.


That's right. Your Citizen Journalist read between the lines and she didn't even need to see the minutes of the meeting because here is why everybody is mad: The U.S. looked at the hastily written language in the resolution, saw the long-term negatives along with the opportunity for creating a black market for those who cannot breast feed, thus turning them and their connections into criminals, and they said, "To hell with that."

It's that simple. Why does your Citizen Journalist know it is as simple as that? It's simple. Around the world, for thousands of years, women have suckled their babies. They have especially done it when they could not afford the canned formula.

So, I have to wonder: Why did the United Nations see fit to, all of a sudden, introduce such a resolution? They aren't so good at making those. Just ask the Israelis and Arabs.


VISIT THIS PAGE TO SEE DURDEN'S



Monday, July 9, 2018

Out, out, you P-HWPCDLRSFC*!

At it again...all for you. 
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Business writer.  Songwriter.  Protecting creator's copyrights. 

Nick Cooke, owner of Black Swan Books in Richmond, Virginia, stood up for one of his customers the other day.

Seems Steve Bannon, former White House chief strategist, minding his own business, not talking to anybody, simply shopping for some rare books, was verbally assaulted in the store by a P-HWPCDLRSFC* in the form of an aggressive person who looked like, and of whom we can only assume self-identified as, the female of the human species.

Mr. Cooke not only said he would call the police if she didn't stop the assault and leave, when she did not comply, he actually dialed 9-1-1.

Seeing the owner of the store was not going to back down, like most of her kind who find themselves alone in the wild of real world consequences, the aggressive person who looked like, and of whom we can only assume self-identified as, the female of the human species, left the store. The owner then canceled the call for help saving money for the taxpayers in his fair city.

Mr. Cooke said, "We are a bookshop. Bookshops are all about ideas and tolerating different opinions and not about verbally assaulting somebody, which is what was happening." 

It takes courage to stand up for freedoms.

Good on you, sir. 

If you live nearby and have rare books for sale, or want to purchase any, make an appointment to visit his bookstore and buy something...or at least say "Hello, good neighbor."




P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies

VISIT THIS PAGE TO SEE DURDEN'S



Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Angela Funnee Du Jour: #6

by Angela K. Durden





Merkel takes page from Trump playbook

At it again...all for you. 
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World

According to Soren Kern writing on GatestoneInstitute.org, Germany's Angela Merkel has reinstituted border controls with Austria.

Lots of reasons for that, and you can read those in the link above. But I, as your Citizen Journalist, will tell you the real reason why she finally was able to start acting like a leader:

It was all that time she spent in Canada with Donald "The Hammer" Trump at the G7 Summit.

Look, I know the popular picture of the event was this one wherein all the leaders and their helpers seemed to be successfully coming against the big-bad American meanie and telling him to toe the line or else they would rip him a new one.

Image tweeted by German government.

However, when I saw this picture, my first — and might I add, most accurate — impression was that "The Hammer" was again commanding the crowd and bringing them around to his way of thinking while they pitched their little royal fits. But notice Merkel? She might have been posing for the picture (after all, Germany tweeted their leader looking strong), but let me tell you, it was already written on her face that she was in deep doo-doo and she was drawing strength from "The Hammer" because she knew what she had to do.

And what was it she had to do?
Why, that would be to bring back strong borders.

And now, lookey what we find in the story above but that Angela Merkel is doing just that. Granted, it is only with Austria and there will be many P-HWPCDLRSFC* who will manage to get quoted in FLOTSAM** outlets that she is wrong, but the point is, she isn't wrong to protect the citizens of her country.

Just as Trump is not wrong to protect the citizens of his.
Or as Mexico is not wrong to protect its citizens — should it ever get around to handling those cartels, and dirty politicians, police, and army.

I know quite a few P-HWPCDLRSFC who totally understand protecting the interior of their countries by limiting access to their borders. They live in gated communities and guarded hi-rises, and exist behind doors and windows with shrieking alarms that must be shut off with special codes or else the police, fire, and EMT are dispatched.

The only ones complaining about strong border protections are idiots whose deepest thought has been which milk to use in their extra-foamy latté today: Whole, skim, cashew, almond, rice, or soy?

Thank goodness Merkel has grown a pair, small though they may be.






P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
** FLOTSAM means For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters





Saturday, June 30, 2018

Angela's Funnee Du Jour: #4

Angela: Yeah, the jokes are always on her.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Funniest Woman in the World

Have you made your bucket list? I haven’t. I won’t. I’m not going to, either. 

You know how much money it takes to do stuff? So that means to afford all that you either have to be a trust-fund baby or have a super-awesome-paying job or have invented that app everybody in the world wants to download and you make tons of moolah on the embed ads. 

Right? Exactly. So, I’m not going to do make any bucket list because I’m too cheap. You know what? Let me be honest with you here, right now. Frankly, I’m too broke.

Friday, June 22, 2018

If Mexico is so great, why is everybody dying to get out?

At it again...all for you. 

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World


This morning on Bacefook I posted a link to the State Department's travel advisory section wherein all countries in the world are listed with a recommendation for whether or not this is a place you want to go.

Specifically I mentioned Mexico because they have an interesting dynamic going on. Five of their states are Do Not Travel zones. Most of the country is Reconsider Travel. And only a small portion is Exercise Increased Caution. (See this picture below.)



In no instance was any part of Mexico listed in blue as Exercise Normal Precautions.


I thought this State Department listing was quite extraordinary because, according to all we hear from the #CrunkNewsNetwork and the FLOTSAM** Sisters, Mexico is a peaceful country that is simply poverty stricken. So, I posted the information from the State Department, after which I got this little nugget of a reply from a person I know in real life, S— F—:

"This is bull shit! Mexico is an awesome country to visit! This was placed just to scare Americans and keep them against us."

Obviously you can tell from her reply that S— F— is from Mexico. [Note the use of the word 'us'.]  I say she "is from Mexico" because she now lives in the U.S. I do not know her legal status and have never asked, but I do know she is learning to play guitar so she can play with her husband's successful corporate entertainment band that is mostly hired by American companies. But that is neither here nor there because S— is like a lot of P-HWPCDLRSFC*:


They have no clue about reality.


Now, I could have had a lot of fun with S— F— by stirring her pot with comments like, "Oh, yeah? Well, if Mexico is so great and wonderful, why are you here in Atlanta, huh, huh, huh?" But that would not make one whit of a difference to S— F— while at the same time bringing me nothing but grief from all the other P-HWPCDLRSFC who are just waiting for an opportunity to pile on.

In other words, it would have been short-lived fun. But my question still stands:

If conditions in Mexico are so great and wonderful, why have her people been coming over here for so long? Well, I'll tell you why.

Because the cartels and their government handmaidens have been doing nothing but raping and pillaging the good citizens of Mexico as they've reeled from one catastrophe to the next.

How long before all of Mexico will be on the Do Not Travel advisory?



Every day Mexico is looking more and more like a failed state — and it isn't the fault of the good citizens of the country who simply try to lead good lives and take care of their families.





Of the 208 countries in the world, there are 11 Do Not Travel (which we could rightly say are failed states), 20 Reconsider Travel, 49 Exercise Increased Caution, and 128 Exercise Normal Precautions.

It is only the rare individual who leaves the U.S. to immigrate to the "better conditions" of the Do Not Travel and Reconsider Travel countries. In fact, I know of not one P-HWPCDLRSFC who has moved to claim their jobs and homes in these or other countries. 

Sure, they take their vacay in U.S. sectors of some of them, but they privately kiss the ground when they get back home. 


P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies

*** FLOTSAM: For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters


Monday, June 18, 2018

Me? A comedienne? Sure, but...

Neither Snickers Bar nor Mars, Incorporated,
have paid Angela for her endorsement...
and that is a frickin', cryin' shame.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Funniest Woman in the World


Unlike a lot of comedians who tell stories about their mothers and make audiences laugh, I do not have any stories about my mother that will make an audience snicker, much less guffaw.

Well, okay. I take that back. There are two. But these stories aren’t funny. They are…awfully sad. I mean very sad…and therefore funny in a sick kind of way.

So I’m not going to write about my mother here. In fact, I’m never going to mention anything about my mother because it just wouldn’t work. It would be…somehow…it would be a downer.

You don't believe me, do you? Of course, you don't because your mother says stuff that makes your workmates laugh. See, you could be a comedian. What a good mother you have, too. 

I'll prove to you how not funny these stories about my mother are. There are three stories. They all  involved men. One involved broccoli. Another, two varying opinions.

The broccoli story is so sad because my mother was around forty-five and been widowed for a few years. Had not been on a date. Then she went and was, according to her, wonderful and the man just couldn’t stop looking at her. When she got home and admired her brilliant self in the mirror, she found a huge chunk of broccoli in her teeth. She is 78 years old now and has never been on another date. Ever. 

So for 33 years she has eschewed man company because she was convinced he was staring at her broccoli all evening.

See? This is not a funny story. That’s why I’m not going to tell it to you. I envy all these comedians that can get up and tell these stories about their moms and I laugh and say, “Wow! I’ll never be a successful comedienne because my mother did not give me any good material.”

Truly, I despair.


The second story was told to me when I was fifteen, though it happened when I was in 5th Grade. Out of the blue, I have no clue why she would tell a fifteen year old girl this thing. Okay? She says, “Well, there I was, having sex with this guy in the motel room and he’s just a-going at it and finally he finishes and lays down beside me and says, ‘So, was it good for you, baby?’ Of course I told him he was so great and it was wonderful.”

Of course, I’m fifteen. What do I know about having sex in a motel room with a man I’m not married to? I know nothing and so I stare at my mother, speechless. She takes that as encouragement to finish the story. “Of course,” she says, “I was lying because…”

And here she holds up her hand and says, “...it was..."

Now, if I were on a stage, the audience — that is, you — would see me make a gesture wherein no words would be needed and everybody would know of what I speak. The gesture would be me holding up my hand with the thumb and index finger no more than two inches apart.

You're laughing. Stop it!


It's not funny. So, there is Mother, winking at me like I understand her dilemma, and I just want the hell out of there, so of course I nod. Anything to get away. 

Fast forward two years when I am seventeen. We're driving on a dirt road out in the middle of nowhere through scrubby pine forest, when we pass a rusted shell of a car. Painted on the side in large white letters is — 

BEER DRINKERS MAKE BETTER LOVERS.


My mother snorts and says, "They only think they do."

These are the three funniest stories my mother gave me. And that is why I cannot be a comedienne. 


Friday, June 15, 2018

Angela's Funnee Du Jour: #3

Angela: Yeah, the jokes are always on her.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Funniest Woman in the World



The woman was walking across the Costco parking lot. My brain could not process all the disparate information coming from her. 

Her shorts were a wildly colorful amalgamation of spring flowers as seen through a drug-induced haze. Her blouse was covered in geometric shapes in fall colors and lined up as Egyptian text on stone. 

As if that wasn't enough, her body was covered in tattoos trying to tell a story, but only she knew the plot lines. 

Or was she was kidnapped by a band of mad tattooists and offered up upon the Altar of Ink to The God of Art? As if she had no choice in this. And when the design was finished, they dropped her off in a Costco parking lot and said amidst mad laughter, “This is your curse. This is your destiny. Deal with the stares.”

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Bacefook: The New Dating Game

Neither Snickers Bar nor Mars, Incorporated,
have paid Angela for her endorsement...
and that is a frickin', cryin' shame.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World


The following is an actual quote from a communique I received from an algorithm...errr...I mean a man. Please do not hold typos, incorrect spacing, and bad punctuation against me.

"Hello beautiful thanks for accepting my request, was hoping we could talk and maybe get to know each other more, i must confess you have an astonishing and captivating smile,Angela i’m sure you receive such compliments on daily basis, well was hoping you on here so we could chat, i know this isn’t a date site or some sort, you just never can tell, would love to get a reply beautiful."

You don't believe that I got this message? Well, take a lookey-loo at the screenshot from Walter —.

Now, as a writer and an editor, I could break down the meanings he has implied. For instance, he would like to get a reply beautiful, that is a beautiful reply.

Now, Walter is correct in that I do daily receive compliments on my "astonishing and captivating smile." And, because I want to stay humble, I limit how often I go out in public so that I don't feed my ego and, you know, get the big head.

But, dang it if they don't chase me down on Bacefook. For me, Bacefook is marketing. I want to keep my face in front of what could potentially be a book and/or ticket buying audience. And since I am always marketing, marketing, marketing, it is only natural I should get strangers to react to my posts and ask to be friended. Of course I'm going to accept most of them because that is how one connects with fans, right?

Still, compliments I don't need as much as I need somebody to buy one of my books, thank you very much. Or a ticket to a show. Look, guys. Boyfriends I don't need. But does that stop these desperate men? No, it does not. Look at what I get on a daily damn basis: 




And when I don't reply, I get a simple question mark [see Mr. Chase Lynn Worsley both above and below as an example]. Which question mark, I am sure, is accompanied by a toss of the head and a hurt-feelings shrug of the shoulder and an eye roll of disgust that I did not respond.


These fellows must think that Bacefook is The New Dating Game. But I have one little piece of advice for them: 

WORDS ARE CHEAP, BOYS. 

And they do not impress as much as action taken. 





Wednesday, June 6, 2018

The Ballad of Jo Jo Beaudreaux

It doesn't look it from this picture,
but Angela is a "Girl Living in Color."
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant, Funniest, Writingest,
and Singingest Woman in the World
I wrote this song for author Linda Sands' character Jo Jo Beaudreaux, a truck-driving, crime-solving woman featured in "Grand Theft Cargo" and "Precious Cargo."






LYRICS:

VERSE 1
Jo Jo Beaudreaux’s seen her fair share of sadness
She lost her mama; and she watched her lover die.
Jo Jo Beaudreaux, oh, you know she loves her daddy.
And he loves her back with an absolute fierce pride.
Now, Jo Jo Beaudreaux does not go looking for trouble.
But she always comes back to her buddies,
she’s there on the double. She's got a

CHORUS:
Kimber on her ankle. Trouble she can smell.
When things get rough, bad
guys will go to Hell. She’s got a…
Kimber on her ankle.   {Come on. Come on.}
Trouble she can smell.   {Come on. Come on.}
When things get rough bad guys will go to Hell.
Jo Jo. Jo Jo.  Jo Jo. Jo Jo. Jo Jo. Jo Jo.
Beau dreaux. {Come on. Come on.}

VERSE 2
Jo Jo Beaudreaux drives her truck on the big roads.
Dead-heading and drawing lines ain’t her thing.
Jo Jo Beaudreaux watches lollipops slide on by
And she nNever feeds the bears, that ain’t no lie.
Jo Jo Beaudreaux, you know the girl likes to boogie.
Four-wheel bumper stickers bring her lots of worry.
She’s got a


CHORUS:
Kimber on her ankle. Trouble she can smell.
When things get rough, bad
guys will go to Hell. She’s got a…
Kimber on her ankle.   {Come on. Come on.}
Trouble she can smell.   {Come on. Come on.}
When things get rough bad guys will go to Hell.
Jo Jo. Jo Jo.  Jo Jo. Jo Jo. Jo Jo. Jo Jo.
Beau dreaux. {Come on. Come on.}

OUTRO:

Kimber on her ankle.
Watch your back door, bad guys.
She’ll find your twenty.
Jo Jo. Jo Jo.  Jo Jo. Jo Jo. Jo Jo.
Jo Jo Beaudreaux. {Come on. Come on.}

Ballad of Jo Jo Beaudreaux
© 2017 Lyrics, Melody, Composition
Angela K. Durden and Second Bight Publishing

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Goodbye, Netflix and Starbucks. Ye shall not be missed.

Neither Snickers Bar nor
Mars, Incorporated,
have paid Angela
for her endorsement...
and that is a
frickin', cryin' shame
because they are
missing out on a
great opportunity
to have the
endorsement
of a hot mess.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant, Most Funniest, Most Insightful, and Absolutely the Smartest Woman in the World

On May 29, 2018, I cancelled my Netflix subscription after having been a customer for over 10 years. There were three reasons for my action.

One: I had been unhappy with their lineup for about 18 months. I like to watch comedians and comediennes. But I quickly found that all on Netflix lineup, no matter the country from which they hailed, were idiots.

And I found they steal routines from each other, so over and over I was hearing the same stories with minor variations.

I have no problem with venom and spit during a routine. Hey, get mean. Get nasty. But then they would all start on their kumbaya moment of "Don't We All Just Hate His Orangeness?" routine while completely ignoring the huge comedy potential of J. Brien Comey and Company.

In other words, they were not equal opportunity jokesters. Please stop boring me, Netflix! And many shows in their distribution package felt that same pushing of a liberal agenda. I was unhappy but not motivated enough to quit the service.

Then I found out that, two: Netflix announces some sort of development deal with Big O and his wife. Then it was announced in a splashy fashion that former ambassador Susan "The Video Made Benghazi Happen" Rice is appointed to the Netflix board.

I didn't like evil being rewarded with my dollars, so I immediately went to my computer and cancelled Netflix. In their Customer Exit Interview, they asked why and gave me an opportunity to choose one. I said "Changing service." They had no further questions.

Why I haven't been to Starbucks in ages.


I've written about the Starbucks schizoid approach to business here and here. I have a Starbucks app on my phone wherein I can log in and pay and get my reward points. I used it all the time. Since I never drank their coffee, and did like the frozen things a lot, it made sense to have a lot of meetings around town at Starbucks. 

But with their recent corporate / social justice warrior crap, I haven't been to one of their stores even though I have a balance on my card. So I got a notice from them in the email that looked like this:



Whose business is hurting already? Do I care?


I don't because Starbucks doesn't care about — and is insulting of — their employees and their paying customers. I shall not spend my money there again and have chosen to spend it at my locally owned independent coffee shops and at home. 

As a matter of practical fact, such ploys by evil people (and a corporation is a person) will not stop. To think otherwise is to live in a state of constant frustration that does not allow for clear thinking.

Recently, when the little pretty boy lead the lie-in at Publix, the company had to ask themselves the question: Is this the hill on which we want to die? The answer is: No. And, rightly, there is no way they could win a battle against an young, impassioned, "caring" dictator in the making. But can they win the war? Yes.

How do they do that? Knowing when to retreat and having the guts to retreat. These are valuable talents. Not all battles are won head on. The little boy leading this latest charge — Hoge is his name? — and his acolytes will have their day in the sun.

But just like other dictators who also have their days in the sun, this little child will not prevail because he knows only one thing: How to attack. He does not know how to lead. He does not have the guts nor the stamina or brains to do the hard work involved in creating jobs, running a city, state, or government and serving the entire populace. 

I daresay there are quite a few besides myself are making the same sort of moves. Like this guy: 

But Starbucks is worse because they are a for-profit company throwing their employees — and their current paying customers — under the bus by calling them all racist, insensitive pigs.

Netflix will be losing subscribers (like they lost me) because they are toadying favor — with whom is not yet clear, but you just wait and see. I have left Starbucks.

However, I will continue to shop at Publix because I betcha they have a plan. They aren't advertising that plan to everybody. I mean, why tell your enemies what you're really up to, right?  Evil is always well-funded, especially institutionalized evil. But it never lasts for long.

I'm not the only one unhappy with and leaving Starbucks. Watch this fellow: 


Thursday, May 31, 2018

BOLO ALERT! The Most Brilliant Woman in the World's humorous books ARE COMING SOON.


“I was considered to be out there when I was alive, but hey, even I didn’t have the guts to say what Angela says. I mean just ... wowzers. Look, I stopped recommending others a long time ago, but this woman...what can I say? 
Get her books!”  
Lenny Bruce



“We might not could stay married, but I always said she was funny.”  
The Ex-Husband


“If I were still alive, Angela would be going on tour with me. In fact, not only would she open for me, I would have her help me close the show. We would’ve been bigger than Burns & Allen. I recommend you read everything she writes. You’ll thank me later.”
Will Rogers


Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Angela's Funnee Du Jour: #2

Angela: Yeah, the jokes are always on her.
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Funniest Woman in the World



I am convinced that Microsoft Corporation has prevented more workplace violence than anything HR, or HR consultants, or other social engineers could ever have come up with.

It's called Solitaire. And it comes with every Windows operating system on the planet. 

Think about it. Solitaire is like a drug only there’s no withdrawal from it. 

Boss screaming at you? Smile, bend the knee, and kiss his ring. Go back to your cubicle and play solitaire.The boss is not paying you to waste time, so revel in your passive aggressiveness as you get one over on da man. 

Zone out. Relax. Feel a sense of accomplishment every time you get an Ace up at the top. 485 points. See? Better than Prozac or Zanax or even medical marijuana folks use for their generalized pain.

And no guns involved. Or knives. Or poison. Or dark alleys. Or falls from a high places. None of that. Prison avoided. Taxes saved. Public safety intact.

So thank you, Microsoft Corporation for bringing to the masses this most wonderful tool for social order and justice.




Saturday, May 26, 2018

Spotify has lost its ever-loving mind.

At it again...all for you.

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World

Spotify, a liberal Swedish company, is now going into the hate group identification business.

Well, that is, they are leaving that identification up to groups with no agenda whatsoever, and which groups are fair and balanced.

WAIT! That's a load of hoo-hah! Read THIS to get the lowdown on who will now be choosing your music.

They've lost their ever-loving mind. Did they learn nothing from Bacefook's slippery slope of late?