Monday, March 30, 2020

Hunkering In Place: An Anthem.

SUNG TO THE TUNE OF “YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND”

When you're stuck in the house
Because of Covid-19
And you ain’t,
you ain’t got nothing to do.
[MUSIC BREAK]

Just remember it could be worse
You could be out of paper for poo.
But you ain’t,
so brighten your face with a smile.
[MUSIC BREAK]

Now, now write a song about it
And put it on your feed
And we’ll watch it,
oh yeah, again and again.
[MUSIC BREAK]

End of winter, start of spring, y’all,
You know, too, you can text and call
And I’ll be there,
more than six feet from y’all.
More than six feet from y’all.
Oh, yeah, yeah.


You’ve got a friend.


by ANGELA K. DURDEN
Your cheerleader and voice of reason in this time of a weird season.

Saturday, March 21, 2020

A Morning for Angela Anagrams


A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman 
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 


During this "Beer" virus downtime I have done lots of those little things that need doing. I've organized all my spaces. I've had my son help me build shelves. I've worked on sewing projects. And, with the 10-human crowd-size limit, I've done streaming house concerts with Misha Stefanuk and Joel Edwards since we cannot perform in public. I'm reading a manuscript by a '60's pop icon for a book he submitted to my publishing company.

But this morning I reached a new low of looking for something to do. I went to an anagram generating site on the Internet and put in my name: Angela Durden. After copying and pasting the list into a Word document, I went through and got rid of 463 that were either meaningless or nasty. The remaining 37 are below; you can read the entire list for yourself.

However, I have chosen my faves out of these and have added punctuation to make it even more meaningful where that works. What makes an anagram my fave, you ask? If it is something others have called me. If it is something my ex would've called me. They are:

Things my ex might've called me:
Adrenal Nudge
Annual Dredge
Laundered Nag

Things others have called me:
Danged Unreal
Danged Neural

However, the best fun of all was the book titles I came up with. Something that would make a title for a book that John D. MacDonald* would've written. They are:

Book titles: 
A Dangled Rune
A Gnarled Nude
A Dunned Lager
[The] Unread Dangle
A Gerund, Laden
A Regal, Dunned
[The] Nude Nerd Gala
Run, Dead Angel, [Run!]
[The] Dead Regal Nun


Was that fun or what? It was fun. Spurred me to greater heights of creativity. Not that I need much spurring which you would know if you have purchased any of my books. What? You haven't bought any of my books? Well, why not? Click the link below or go to Amazon.com and type in Angela K. Durden in the search bar. 


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THE ENTIRE LIST:
Annealed Drug [to heat and then cool]
Adrenal Nudge
Uganda Lender
Annual Dredge
Laundered Nag
Danged Unreal
Danged Neural
Ungraded Elan [vigor, spirit]
Dungaree Land
Dangle Unread
A Dangled Rune [mystery, secret, character of the runic alphabet]
A Gnarled Nude
A Laden Gerund [word ending in -ing]
A Lager Dunned
A Regal Dunned
Agenda Led Run
Gala Ended Run
Gala Nerd Nude
Add Leaner Gun
Dead Angel Run
Dead Angel Urn
Dead Angle Run
Dead Lager Nun
Dead Regal Nun
Leaded Nag Run
Graded Ale Nun
Landed Age Run
Landed Age Urn
Darned Ale Gun
Adder Gale Nun [Snake Storm Nun]
Adder Lane Gun
Adder Elan Gun
Dread Gale Nun
Dread Lean Gun
Dread Lane Gun
Leader And Gun

*I had opportunity to meet his grandson at Bouchercon 2018 in St. Petersburg, Florida.

Friday, March 20, 2020

The "Beer" Virus Concert

Misha Stefanuk, Joel Edwards, and me, The Most Brilliant Woman In The World and Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman and Songwriter bring you The "Beer" Virus Concert. Enjoy!




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Tuesday, March 17, 2020

How to keep kids busy during this mini-apocalypse.


TMBWITW*** and MMSW****.


A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 


Are your kids home for several weeks while Coronavirus runs amuck? Don't know what to do? Let The Most Brilliant Woman In The World and a Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman help you out.

I recognize that P-HWPCDLRSFCs* and purveyors of FLOTSAM** could very well have some issues with this list and maybe will accuse me of "not caring" and "child labor laws breaking". I can assure you that I, TMBWITW*** and a MMSW****, ain't skeert of those opinions and thazzafact! [See Footnote]

So, let's get to it.

First thing one must do is not to feel out of control. I recognize that this is probably the first time in many years that you will have your child home for any length of time without having planned activities to send them to where others will teach, entertain, and inspire your little rug rat, or lil' squirt if you prefer, and you only must remind to brush teeth and go to bed.

Buck up! You will get through this with the handy-dandy tips from TMBWITW and MMSW.  

  1. Make a Domestic Engineering List to include:
    • Sweeping
    • Vacuuming
    • Toilet scrubbing
    • Tub scrubbing
    • Dusting
    • Bed making
    • Laundry folding
    • Pet exercising
    • Pet feeding
  2. Disconnect the Internet. [Trust me on this.]
  3. Disconnect the cable. [Trust me on this one, too.]
  4. Unplug microwave. Better yet, put it in your trunk. [You'll thank me later.]
  5. Stack books around.
    • Encourage the making of their own play based on scenes from the books.
  6. Provide simple foodstuffs that do not need heat to prepare.
    • Let them peel boiled eggs and add mayo and salt and pepper and mash them all together and spread on bread
  7. Schoolwork must be done, of course. 
  8. Cook a meal together.
  9. Teach them how to prepare a grocery shopping list.
  10. Shop for groceries together.
  11. Break the grocery shopping list up into segments to equal how many children you have who could possibly navigate grocery store aisles and read a list.
    • Assign to those children. Sit on a bench at the front of the store with a book and be there to answer any questions they may have.
  12. Let them put up the groceries. 
  13. Be sure to explain the entire scientific methodology of and reasoning behind storage of shelf-stable foodstuffs versus that which needs refrigeration.
  14. Be sure to explain all of that in great detail.
  15. Share stories with the next generation about how tough your childhood was. Don't forget the snow drifts, tiny coat, and hills that went up way far both to and from school.


Well, I have more, but I realize that this list will probably be a strain on you. Once mastered, please feel free to ask for more apocalyptic hints and tips. 


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P-HWPCDLRSFC: Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
** FLOTSAM: For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters
*** TMBWITW The Most Brilliant Woman In The World
**** MMSW Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman

FOOTNOTE: "Ain't skeert and thazzafact!" is the Southern way of saying "Truly and really, your P. C. outbursts do not scare me in the least and you can take that to the bank and deposit it."



Sunday, March 15, 2020

"It's a Jungle Out There" Monk theme by Randy Newman.

shared by Angela K. Durden
A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 


Apropos for today with all the event cancellations. Adrian Monk would feel right at home.





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Friday, March 13, 2020

The sky is not falling, y'all.

Garlic: Good for what ails ya.
Angela K. Durden
A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

I was just at a large meeting yesterday morning with about 200 people. Nobody was shaking hands. They were bumping elbows, instead, and saying, "Don't want to catch...errrr...spread anything."

However, they were busy handing out food, paper materials, banners, and business cards, and sharing pens and microphones. Folks were hugging (hands everywhere) and getting in real close for photo ops.

See? Stupid.
C. S. Lewis reminded folks who panic that they should not exaggerate the novelty of their situation. Panic helps no one. Panic changes nothing.

Look. The sky is not falling, y'all. When it falls, you won't have time to go out and buy toilet paper. If you've got time to buy toilet paper, then you'll be fine.

Okay, okay, okay. Maybe you will die, but so what? You're going to die anyway at some time. Nobody lives forever. But, sheesh, stop it with the f***ing panic.

Coronavirus is a real thing. But the #CrunkNewsNetworks and certain politicians are using it as a way to disrupt your life and grab control over it. Do not be mistaken on this. If you are panicking, then you are the prey.

Do you want to be the prey? Then keep on with the panic response.

Otherwise, wash your damn hands.
Stay home if you're sick.
But stop it with the overreacting.



















Article with C. S. Lewis quotes

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P-HWPCDLRSFC: Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
** FLOTSAM: For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters

Sunday, March 8, 2020

The Death Rattle of SXSW

Those who remember
history...
by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World

SXSW, or South by Southwest, has been held in Austin, Texas, since 1987, making it thirty-four in March 2020. It has steadily grown from a first year opening day attendance of 700 — which surprised everybody involved — to over 73,000 in 2019, by which time the event was many days long and included music, film, tech, and interactive media presented and discussed and paneled out the wazoo.

In other words, SXSW went from an event friendly to music creatives and fans of, to something that was Important and Meaningful, sponsored by multi-national corporations, slap full of P-HWPCDLRSFCs [1], and covered by media outlets who were happy to spread FLOTSAM [2] everywhere.

In 2020, Austin, Texas, cancelled the event because of an overreaction to the coronavirus [3]. Since event insurance doesn't cover pandemics and natural disasters, well, the financial hit will be even worse for organizers, vendors, etc.

Actually, I don't think it was the city that overreacted per se. One news report says it was the pullout by Facebook, Twitter, Intel, Google, and TikTok [a Chinese company], among other large corporate sponsors, that spelled the death knell for the March 2020 festivities.

Whatever.

Can you tell I'm not too upset about the cancellation? Let me tell you why.

Remember Comdex? I went to it when it came to Atlanta in 1997. Held in the Georgia World Congress Center, it was a thing of beauty. I was fast outgrowing my first PC [running windows 3.1 over a Dos 6.0 shell, featuring a 65 megabyte hard drive, floppies A and B, and it had a modem!] and, as a power user of technology [I fully expected it to do what it promised], I wanted to know how I could upgrade and better use technology to make money. My eyes were opened and my inner nerd was born that day.

But when large IT sponsors pulled out because of the fast-changing business environment, well, Comdex was doomed even as users of technology were blossoming.

When events that celebrate creativity and are exciting and affordable, begin to be filled with conferences and panels of experts and badge prices skyrocket, naturally it will end. Conferences grow from small to large and then they fail. It's the nature of the beast.

This cancellation of SXSW in 2020, sure it hurts the pocketbook. But I've been hearing from too many attendees for too long that the event was so big, so spread out, and so expensive that it was no longer friendly to the Indie creative, much less fans. One man told me, "Angela, it would've been cheaper just to visit Austin another time and hit the bars with live acts. I would've met more and better." 

The SXSW we know today is so far from its roots that it needs a course correction. Maybe this cancellation will spell the end of it, or at least the beginning of the end as, maybe, organizers will, like the Comdex organizers, try to reinvent themselves for a few years.

I'm going on record here this eighth day of March in 2020, that it won't be too very long and SXSW will be just another entry in Wikipedia visited by folks who thought it was an urban legend.

I'm not sad about that because with change comes, well, change. And that change has been in the making for some years now as Indie creators' ranks swell and fandom is being reinvented around the world. 


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[1] P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
[2] FLOTSAM means For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters
[3] Insurance doesn't cover SXSW cancellation.