Thursday, May 16, 2019

Rocker's Wail

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Business writer.  Songwriter.  Protecting creator's copyrights. 

Surrounded as I am here in Decatur/Atlanta by Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Democrat RINO Socialist Fascist Commie Social Justice Warrior-types who are #RadicallyShatbitCwazy, I wrote this song to help me stay in touch with the balance that brings sanity.

I think you might like it.


Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Leave America's Favorite Chicken Sandwich Alone!

By Kim D.

It's time to stop chicken sandwich bigotry.  Chick-fil-A has been under attack ever since it's CEO Dan Cathy expressed support for "traditional marriage" and upset a large portion of the LGBTQIA community. Perhaps at the time the outrage was understandable with the same-sex marriage issue on four state ballots but to continue the hate over a company that has always been rooted in traditional, biblical values is ridiculous.

Same-sex marriage is the law now. Period. The chicken sandwich can no longer hurt anyone so if the outrage continues, it's just an excuse to continue pulling the victim card where no actual harm exists. Yet, the war on Chick-fil-A continues - right here in Texas where the liberal majority in charge of San Antonio are taking votes to shut the company's doors in popular locations, like the San Antonio airport.

City officials aren't talking about how to improve the economy, much like Houston did with it's gender neutral public restroom debacle. No they are spinning their wheels to appease those who simply don't like a business rooted in Christian values - the worse kind of bigotry because it could strip franchise owners of their businesses and employees of jobs, not to mention the public of a delicious chicken sandwich.

Despite all the backlash and protest, Chick-fil-A has steadily risen in the fast-food market and now sits comfortably among America's top 3 favorites.  

"She Who Runs Away" Trashes Fox News in Defense of Her Town Hall Dismissal

by Kim D.

Fauxacahontas Senator Elizabeth Warren won't do a Fox News town hall.  This is her reason:

FYI signing the petition only gives the Warren campaign your email address and takes you to a page to donate. It would be a more honest and courageous thing to tweet that doing a Fox News town hall doesn't benefit Warren at all with her democrat, primary base. 

To deflect criticism of a press attack (the kind that are screeched whenever President Trump denies a question from the fake news outlets), Warren further tweets:

And she goes on and on in defense of her position reiterating that Fox News hosts are bigots, racists and liars:

It didn't take long for Twitter to remind Senator Warren of her own special blend of bigotry, racism and outright lies:

There's tons more . . . but you get the idea.  Senator She Who Runs Away isn't fooling the majority of us. 

Monday, May 6, 2019

Shaking My Damn Head

At it again...all for you.

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Business writer.  Songwriter.  Protecting creator's copyrights. 

I have a neighbor with a dog. Contrary to community law, the dog is always out without a leash. The neighbor doesn't seem to know how to use one. I say, "doesn't seem to know how" because several times each day I hear her screaming:

"I told you to get in here. Damn it! Git yo ass in here. I said now."

The dog always listens...eventually, though often the woman can be seen chasing after him through her yard and mine where it comes to do its business before it scoots out of her way. Then she screams again, this time more angry than before.

The thing is, she's received letters from the Board of the HOA warning her of coming fines. Does she listen? I can always tell when she gets a letter because she'll take the dog out on a leash. A leash she put on when the dog was inside and contained. So, it's not like she doesn't know how to use one. 

In any case, every day I'm shaking my damn head because of the negativity with which she lives. Angry. Screaming. Chasing. And for what? I don't get it. So, what's her problem?

Bad memory? Her way of "sticking it to the man"? Could be. I frankly do not know her problem. 

Another neighbor, though, that takes her dog out without a leash, now I know what her problem is: She's an anarchist and terrorist if not an outright Commie. She's already sued the HOA for a problem that was clearly the unit owner's responsibility and that the owner handled in a timely fashion. She called the police on me one time and told them I was a prostitute. Oh, yeah. I took care of that. She walks around the neighborhood smiling at people and talking loud about their business. She gets phone numbers and calls people to "inform" on others for things that are not wrong nor are her business.

That's right. She's a renter. Not a homeowner. Yet she believes and acts as if she has all the rights of an owner yet, conveniently, none of the duties. In other words, she is a Lenin, Khrushchev, Putin, and Stalin wannabe. She knows best for everybody and everybody better toe the damn line she sets or else by Marx and Engles she'll make your life hell. 

But I was the first to stand up to her and she did like all good little Commies do: She ramped up the terror. And who stood up to her again? That would be me. 

Shaking my damn head...again. 


Friday, April 19, 2019

If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

At it again...all for you.

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Business writer.  Songwriter.  Protecting creator's copyrights. 

Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr., or Snoop Dogg, is a rapper, singer, record producer, television personality, entrepreneur, father, actor, and social justice warrior turned whiny-butt.

He was born in 1971 which, when one looks back, was the apex of Free Love and Make Peace Not War and taking trips around the bay with Timothy Leary. 

In any case, as I wrote about here in November of 2017, Calvin needed help with his lyrics. His album at the time was called "Make America Crip Again", or MACA, which cover featured white feet sticking out from a sheet-covered body laying on a gurney in a morgue. Those white feet had a toe tag marked TRUMP. A music video at the time also sported Snoop Dogg shooting dead a man dressed to look like a clown Trump. [You will also remember Kathy "I Ain't Getting Booked No More" Griffin holding the bloody severed head of Trump in what she called an artsy photo shoot. Lots of things like that were going around at the time.]

Back to Snoop. His album was hailed as brilliant and masterfully topical and brave and an awesome freedom of expression of the outrage of Da Black Man. 

Yes, that album came out one year after the election of Donald J. Trump to the presidency and Snoop was still complaining about it. But here it is two and a half years after the election and what do we have? We have Snoop (and a few other tough rapper types including tattoo-covered druggie Justin Bieber) turning into a whiny-butt when he called for the firing of Laura Ingraham, a Fox Channel show host because...


Because Laura was insensitive about her reporting on the death of Nipsey Hussle, son of an Eritrean immigrant who somehow managed to have gunfire around him too often. How was Laura insensitive? She made fun of a song he had something to do with. 

Did Laura Ingraham make a video showing herself shooting a clown Nipsey?


Did Laura have herself pictured with Nipsey's body covered in a white sheet with a toe tag hanging off his foot saying HUSSLE?


Did Laura pull out a bloody severed head that looked like Nipsey and wave it around?


That's right. No. She did something far worse: She giggled at the lyrics of a song. 

The P-HWPCLDRSFCs* went mad and FLOTSAM** echoed the outrage. How dare the white witch-with-a-b insult their newest Black savior? 

Well, Snoo...I mean, Calvin...down here in the South we have a saying and it goes like this: 

If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.


P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Democrat RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
** FLOTSAM means For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters


Friday, April 12, 2019

Dear NRA: Compromise does not look good on you.

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Business writer.  Songwriter.  Protecting creator's copyrights. 


Dear NRA,

Received today in my mailbox was your envelope marked “Time Sensitive — For Addressee Only, REGISTERED DOCUMENTS.” I was intrigued as I’d never before received such from you. The letter opened with a bang, if you’ll pardon the pun:

And right now, hundreds of gun-hating politicians, judges, and media elites are doing everything in their power to destroy your freedoms.

I read further and found the 2019 National Gun Owner’s Action Survey which moved me along nicely to send money to join your association. However, I’ve never been one to simply be led without thinking things through and investigating. Those natural tendencies have come in handy in my self-appointed profession as Citizen Journalist.

Therefore, let me take a few moments to cover a few points that may be beneficial to the NRA, an organization, by the way, that I had a good opinion of until I got this packet. The points are here, order not to determine importance.

The survey. Whoever wrote it really screwed over your intent with the very first question. Let’s review: Do you agree that the Second Amendment guarantees your individual right to own a firearm? I quickly marked Yes on the survey, but then took a closer look at the language, namely, “a firearm”. “A” implies one firearm. So, naturally, I would have to mark No because I do not want my quantity to be limited by government.

The survey. The sixth question. To wit: Do you support legislation that would compel law-abiding gun owners to undergo a federal background check every single time they purchase a box of ammunition? On its face the question seems logical and supportive of freedom, when in actual fact it invites more government control. Let’s think it through, shall we? Who determines who is a law-abiding gun owner? What database will be built, kept, and accessed by whom and when in order to say “You, sir, are law abiding and may now purchase ammo”? My answer had to change from Yes to No. So, because of unclear language, the NRA has screwed over citizens.

The Survey. The tenth question. Thusly: Will you authorize NRA to use your survey answers to fight for your fundamental right to own a firearm for shooting, hunting and personal protection? Never mind that the question is missing a comma that made it read incomplete; don’t even think about that. The worst part of the question is you want responders to authorize NRA to use their survey answers, but you never say how the NRA will use them nor do you define the limits on how you will use those. For instance, if I had answered Yes, I could be signing away the right to use my name in settings or manners I may not agree with because, truly, what does “fight for your fundamental right” mean to the NRA?

The survey. Last question. Will you fight for your freedom by renewing your commitment to NRA today? This implies I am not fighting for freedom. It also implies the only way to fight for freedom is by letting the NRA fight the battle for me. And, since I am not a member of the NRA, how can I renew a commitment I don’t have?

The letter states NRA is the one organization dedicated to defending your Right to Keep and Bear Arms at the federal level and in your state’s legislature. Says you; but how do I know this?

The letter states Now is the time to DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND… Well, thank you, NRA, but I prefer to chip a hard line in cement instead of a soft line in a movable soft object. Honestly, whoever wrote this part should be fired. It made the NRA look weak.

The packet, letter, survey. Every one of them was trackable. So, my question is this: How do you know I am a gun owner? From whom did you get this information? The government?!? I want to know.

I’ve returned your survey along with this letter, but I’m not joining the NRA. Your efforts are not unappreciated, but your methods are a bit wonky for me. Let me be clearer. Compromise does not look good on you.


You’ve got my information already.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Quit Endorsing Banning Farting Cows and Airplanes


Ted Lieu Picked the Wrong Person About Which to Push Fake News

F$*$ Free Stuff

by Kim D.

I know someone told me at a young age, "Baby there ain't nothing for free that's worth a damn." Probably my grandmother - sounds just like something she would have said.  I must have listened because I've typically found this advice golden.  Or maybe as I get older the more cynical I become. S0 f
uck (or G-rated "fudge") free - it simply isn't worth a damn  (daggum) is what I'll pass along to my son and hope he listens as well.

Free healthcare! Free college! Free jobs! Free rent!  It's the Progressive mantra:  Free shit for everyone! To accept this notion first we would have to acknowledge that services like these are not free.  To pay for free stuff, government would have to confiscate funds via taxes to take a stab at covering the cost. For people who aren't used to paying a lot of tax, this doesn't seem to be a big deal. Or it won't until it hits their pocketbooks as it absolutely must to generate the money needed to fund all things "free."

Per National Review, 

Taking all of these proposals together, Democrats would increase federal spending by around $40 trillion over the next ten years. To put that in perspective, the federal government will take in approximately $3.3 trillion in taxes this year [2018] and spend $4.1 trillion.
But there's an even larger problem with this than wealth confiscation - once we agree to let government handle all costs for us, it becomes the purchaser of our free shit. Freedom to make healthcare, college, job, or living choices becomes even more limited with only the most wealthiest among us escaping the majority of restrictions.  Presumably they still will have some funds leftover to afford the doctor they want to see and the private schools they want their children to attend.  They would have no need for a guaranteed government job paying a living wage and most likely can keep at least one mansion.

For the young Socialists who have been groomed to aggressively push for that Utopian society where we all collectively contribute for everyone's needs (and save the Earth in the next 12 years), gather all your friends and try this simple test.  Sit in a circle and then look to the friend on the left and then to the one on the right.  Do you completely trust both with your health and economic well being?  Do you trust them with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you trust them not to drink the last sip of milk in your fridge?  If you can't answer unquestionably yes to all of these questions, then wake up. Human nature has never allowed such "you can trust me" behavior and it never will.

Don't think for a second that you will actually like the benefits of your free stuff nor will this Utopian society make you a more productive and happier adult. Take the case of Joe who touts the benefits of his free tuition:

Human nature strikes again - not "working" or having skin in the game doesn't make one better. On the contrary, free things aren't worth a damn and walks one down a dangerous road. What makes Joe think he can reap the reward as a doctor, who will essentially be working for the government, for a living wage?

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Be Careful at The Canyon

by Kim D.

According to Global News, in the last couple of weeks, three people have fallen to their deaths at the Grand Canyon. Hopping rocks and posing for photographs are the most common ways such deaths occur but in a typical year the park only sees on average two to three of these.  Most deaths that occur at this American landmark are due to extreme heat or dehydration.

So, three "falling" deaths in the last two weeks is out of the ordinary.  Last Thursday a man fell over the edge and 400 feet to his death. Prior to that a body was uncovered in a more remote part of the park, raising suspicion of suicide alongside the assumption of another falling accident. Two days later a Hong Kong tourist stumbled and fell while taking pictures. He landed about 1000 feet from the Canyon's rim.

Now the good news - according to park statistics, over 6 million people visit each year. So to put things into perspective, accidental falling deaths are still considered rare at the Grand Canyon National Park. 

But how, exactly, do these falls occur? Mainly by not adhering to basic common sense that the park emphasizes to tourists:

Monday, April 1, 2019

Richard North Patterson delivers a beaut of a whine: It's all Trump's fault!

At it again...all for you.

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World

In the March 31, 2019, issue on, a novelist, attorney, and political commentator blamed the dismal state of his writing career on the president. That's right, folks. The Donald's insistence on standing firm for his beliefs and what is right and proper has made it nigh on impossible to write a novel anymore.

Therefore, Richard North Patterson turned his full-time attention to political commentary because — and here I quote him verbatim from his own article — "The aim of the novelist is to enlist others in his fantasies, immersing them in an alternative reality so emotionally compelling that they willingly suspend disbelief. Trump has dangerously conflated this sort of storytelling with real-life presidential leadership, casting himself in the role of the archetypal savior-hero, battling the forces of evil. He’s our first novelist in chief."

What RNP isn't tell you is that...

...the bottom fell out of the publishing biz good and proper, and nobody is buying enough of his books anymore to make the time spent writing one worth his while. I bet you ten dollars his publisher did not renew his contract and he realized self-publishing was damn hard work, so he went into commenting upon all things political. He did not turn to political commentary because Trump became novelist in chief, though reading the column he wrote would lead one to believe that. 

That's called branding spin. 

Nope. RNP turned to commentating in 2015, getting spots on various #CrunkNewsNetwork shows and placing his words in blatantly Liberal publications, all of whom mention he is a novelist with 20 published books to his name and he's an attorney, too, so he's really, really smart, you should listen to him because he agrees with us. 

That is called soft advertising married to delusion.

That Patterson is jumping in now with this negative spin on Trump should come as no surprise.

Hilariously, RNP complained that Trump got $3 billion worth of media coverage for free and said that made him unique amongst all candidates. Geez, I guess RNP forgot all about the first "social media president" who got that ball started. Frankly, Trump was simply the recipient of Obama's failed presidencies. Had Obama not done such a terrible job so openly, not as many people would've cared about Trump. 

Conveniently, RNP does not mention the dollar amount of the decades-long fawning and doting of Barack and Hillary and Nancy & Co. et alia by what has been called Mainstream Media. We know them as the three-letter networks and their morning and evening news shows, cable "news" shows, late night comedians on networks, and print media, too, all featuring a staggering rotation of politicians, pundits, and pinheads delivering anti-American FLOTSAM* talking points 24/7/365-and-a-¼.

Truthfully, not as many would've needed Trump — or as I call him: The Hammer — if there was not The Enemy Within, a fifth column, operating so blatantly. The Hammer is a man uniquely suited for the time. All the things Patterson cited as negatives in Trump, are the very things that make a great leader out of a flawed man in a tough situation. Things like: 

  • Speaking against Evil and
  • Firing back at Black Hats while
  • Not backing down from Desperadoes so the 
  • Little Guy is protected, and being
  • Willing to suffer for what is Right and Good and 
  • Able to see trouble coming from the horizon,
  • In effect practicing The Art of War, which brings back 
  • respect for Law and Order so the
  • Community can now move forward magnificently.

A hard man has always been needed when times are hard and the enemy has no conscience. 

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And when the tough get going, good people will be heartened and the fight will be on. Because, while claiming otherwise, one thing RNP fails to understand is real life battle. While one man can make a difference, he can only do it alone in novels and movies. 

So, Richard North Patterson, maybe you should get your head out of your fictional world and join the real world. See what is really happening and why. It's for your own good I tell you this, sir, because writers are the first ones dictators come after when they get in power. You may believe you curry favor with the Deep State by agreeing with them and writing so pretty about it, but you would be wrong. You are not in the protected class. You are an expendable minion when it becomes necessary for them to consolidate power and your services are no longer required. 

FLOTSAM means For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters


Friday, March 29, 2019

The silent coup will soon turn into a pretty little Civil War.

At it again...all for you.

by Angela K. Durden
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Business writer.  Songwriter.  Protecting creator's copyrights. 

My editor has a keen eye when it comes to calling it like it is.

"Angela," he said to me the other day, "you want to know the difference between Democrats and Republicans? It's this: Democrats know they are at war and they will not be swayed from seeking their Socialist and Communist ideological goals."

Until everyone else understands that the current mess cannot be solved with mere logic, appeals to reason, and respect of Law, P-HWPCDLRSFCs* will continue to lie and pitch fits and call names — in other words, wage a non-stop campaign of disinformation.

As I write, what we now know was a silent coup, is now our pretty little Civil War — and it is ramping up to be ugly. Blamed for the ugly will be anyone who disagrees with the leadership and social justice foot soldiers of the P-HWPCDLRSFC. This is to be expected. 

What was not expected by those who are motivated by logic and reason and who hold the Law in high-esteem, were the depths to which the P-HWPCDLRSFC would go — and who they had on their team. One cannot prepare for what one does not know exists. Preparations for this campaign of disinformation put everyone at a disadvantage for a long time.

We read the newspapers and we watched the news believing these institutions to be above the fray. Believing their reporting and analyses and prognostications to be well-thought through, thrown against the dual gauntlets of Logic and Reason, and always scrutinized under the watchful eye of protecting Constitutional freedoms.

"War? What war?" was said by people on both sides of the war. "There is no war. Nobody's trying to subvert the very basis of freedom in this country." Regular folks on all sides could not fathom the idea. Regular folks were plied with disinformation campaigns and told these were all about Fairness and Equality and Diversity and Caring For All. And just like that, the Constitution and Bill of Rights were on their way to becoming toothless paper tigers.

Only a few saw this as the beginning of the disinformation campaign that began in earnest in the mid 1960s. When we spoke up, we were laughed down by everybody. Those not laughing, but smiling nonetheless, were the secret generals rewriting history. Who did they employ? Publishers and senior editors and serious journalists of and in newspapers and news and business magazines, and owners of broadcast companies and producers and talking heads of television and radio news and talk shows. 

With the submission in March 2019 of the Mueller Report to Attorney General Barr, the soldiers of the coup were openly identified. No, their identities were not illegally unmasked. They proudly self-identified as members of the cabal, doubling down on their two-year narrative by turning on Mueller, one of their own. P-HWPCDLRSFCs thought nothing of this as they know that all is fair in love and war.

And P-HWPCDLRSFCs love. Oh yes. Love of power for self-promotion and illicit financial gain. Love of war meant to destroy not protect. Some P-HWPCDLRSFCs lead the way, clear-eyed, while others follow obediently never questioning, never asking why they scream slogans of hate. 

And that is how this silent coup is turning into a pretty little Civil War. Those who aren't politically correct. Who don't wear pussy hats. Who do see the big picture. Who are concerned for the safety of all citizens. Yes, these folks might be late to the battle, but some are already here and more are coming. 

One thing Democrats (that is, Socialists and Communists in hiding) do not understand — and, frankly, never will get — is that most of the people in America are not Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Democrat RINO Socialist Fascist Commies whose claims to fame and moral superiority are being caring and woke. 

They will not change their minds. 
They will not change their ways. 
They will not quit voluntarily. 
They will fight to their death like a cornered rat in a dead-end, trash-strewn dirty alley.

They do not understand the concepts and protections afforded to anyone who truly believes all can think and believe anything they like and more power to them. Until...

Until, that is, a line is crossed and these coup pushers get the big head and outgrow their britches. You see, these fomentationists mistake good manners and patience for yellow-belly cowering and always are surprised when citizens come up against them and let the Constitution do its job. That surprise leads to them doubling down on their stand as they bump up against the growing crowd of those who cherish what freedom really is and welcome the role it plays in our faith, family, and future.

And that is why it is turning ugly. Do not be afraid of the ugliness you see. Do not allow yourself to be scared into quietness by the gnashing of their ideologue teeth. This is war. One side fights to destroy freedom. The other side must fight to protect it. 

Coming soon
"Conversations in Hyperreality
and other thoughts Umberto Eco
and Dave Barry never had."

P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
** FLOTSAM means For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Commas be gone: Essay from "Conversations in Hyperreality" (coming soon)

The Most Brilliant Woman in the World

[Author Note: Be sure to read the embedded footnotes. You will thank me for saving you a ton of scrolling.]

It is my intention to write this entire essay without the use of a comma. Neither shall I use a semicolon since part of it is made from the comma. Don’t get me wrong. I love commas. We are besties. A well-placed comma can turn a convoluted sentence into a thing of beauty.

Why am I writing this essay without a comma? It is simple. I love a challenge. Writers often get their kicks in the most esoteric of fashions that totally confuse the rest of the world. But the other reason I’m avoiding commas is this:

Commas are so misused and misunderstood as to be ridiculous. To start a fight in a bar all one need do is say “Anyone not using the Oxford Comma is a pussy!” I’ve done this. The fight lasted two hours and involved many men drinking lots of beer and wine and pounding on the bar while hollering “You don’t believe in the Oxford Comma? YOU SUMBITCH! Ain’t that right? Angela? He’s a sumbitch. Ain’t that right?” After which I hollered back. “That’s right, Baby! Sock ‘em a good one for me. Baby, you hear me? Sock ‘em. Sock ‘em good!”

The place hadn’t seen such madness before or since. Which totally surprised me because we were in Decatur, neighbor to and northeast of Atlanta by a skosh. Atlanta/Decatur is home to certain institutions of higher learning who say they value punctuation. Agnes Scott. Emory. Georgia Tech. Georgia State. And one seminary who clings to a certain comma because without it they would have to change their doctrine and that’s all I’m gonna say about that. Wouldn’t you think that with these four university-slash-colleges in such proximity that surely to heaven a fight over commas in a bar would have already broken out? 

Then again…we are talking Decatur where the men vote Blue and are genteel and learned and practice the art of disagreement by writing a paper and getting it published and the women are lesbians even if they married a self-identified male and have children by those men.[1]

[1] The author sort of exaggerates here though she has it on good authority inseminations are done in a sterile lab.

Not for them the fisticuffs of drunken comma fights. No way. No how.[2]

[2] Does the reader see how smooth the author was in the avoidance of the use of a comma in the last two sentences? Damn. She is good.

When interviewed about the entire paragraph she was quoted thusly: “The breaking up of the clichéd comment into two short but whole sentences caused a major upping of the power of the thought thus rendering the cliché as a new art form that writers would do well to study. Please be advised that Linda Sands and I are available to teach a three-day seminar on this topic as well as the bonus topic of Medicinal Margaritas and Their Proper Place in a Writer’s Life at any foreign port of call.

“Our fee is $5,000,000. Half due upfront as a deposit. Travel and hotel expenses extra. We take credit cards and PayPal transfer payments at Receipt will be sent via email.”

Let me say this another way my readers in Red states might understand better: Decatur is not a place you would ever find Dave Barry hanging out.

At this very same bar is where I had my first encounter with a lesbian couple who liked threesomes. I kept turning around trying to see who they were looking at behind me. Then I realized it was me they had spied with their little roving eyes. Oh! Hayle no. I wrinkled my brow and shook my head and made the gesture of slitting my throat in the biggest negatory ever. That’s when they turned around to see who I was turning down. They were so disappointed.

But back to the fight in the bar. Maybe it took the introduction of a real woman[3] into the mix to get the men’s dander up.

[3] By that the author means heterosexual. She hopes she does not hear any whining from the LGBTQ-Z1-?-Curios because this is a book of humor and she hopes the reader has learned how to laugh already.

The misuse of commas these days is out of control. Many years ago I edited a manuscript that had sentence after sentence with six or more commas in each. I went insane looking for the story in what he thought were brilliant incomplete clause-laden sentences broken apart by commas thrown in like ammo coming from a machine gun wielded by a meth head jonesin’ for his next hit. Holy Frickin’ Moley.

This comma thing got me to thinking. Those who have no respect for commas must be P-HWPCLDRSFCs.[5] Let me explain. These folks believe several things.

[5] In case you’ve forgotten: Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Democrat RINO Socialist Fascist Commies.

One: Rules do not apply to them.

Two: Rules can be broken willy-nilly.

Three: Rules can be ignored when one doesn’t like them.

Four: New rules can be made up on the spot.

Five: Those new rules only apply to you and not to them.

Sounds a lot like a Socialist Ruling-Class Wannabe to me. We are having a lot of those pop out of the woodwork these days. One example is the 2018 Midterm Elections in the United States wherein the Georgia Secretary of State was running for governor. His name is Brian Kemp. His opponent was one Stacey Abrams.[6] Abrams crisscrossed the U.S. looking for funding and went up and down the state registering what she called “disenfranchised voters”.

[6] The author writes this in October 2018: She predicts Stacey Abrams will lose. We will check in after the election to determine if she is correct. AFTER ELECTION RESULTS: SHE IS CORRECT.

She and her non-profit’s employees did it all wrong — almost twenty-five thousand times.
Many of those they registered were flagged because they were either non-existent or names and other legally identifying information on the voter registration forms did not match state driver’s licenses and/or Social Security numbers assigned by the Feds.

That’s right! People spelled their own names incorrectly and Abrams’ helpers did not think to confirm the spellings. These people also forgot their Socials. How does one do that?[7] One registered as Jesus Christ of Heavenly Lane. No Social Security number or driver’s permit or photo ID. And no ZIP.[8] But Stacey Abrams’ people found him and signed him up and then whined when his application was completely rejected. So what did Abrams do? The next step was logical. She went on the offensive. She and her minions[9] deployed a huge campaign accusing Kemp of voter registration tampering to keep her from being governor.

[7] Actually, it happens all the time. Just ask anybody who has to read a resume or job application. 
[8] He lived in Blue Ridge. This is deep in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. So…that ‘splains a lot.

[9] This includes local mainstream media.
But the author cannot fault local media too badly. They dug up a picture of Abrams from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution showing her burning the state flag and proceeded to run front and center with it for several days. 
But just exactly how did the mainstream media and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution find out about that picture from 1992? It wasn’t because of research. No way. No how. Abrams’ preacher mother was out stumping for her daughter and told an admiring crowd all about it. She then said: “Bet y’all didn’t know about that?” At which point a reporter snarked: “NOW WE DO!” Then Abrams’ mom went: “Oh. Shoot.”

That’s right! Abrams pretty much said all those stupid people and illegals deserved to vote no matter whether they could prove who they were or where they lived. But who was the stupid one in this instance? You’re right![10]

[10] The author leaves this up to the reader to answer.

Abrams manufactured this so-called crisis by claiming Kemp himself was manipulating the system. The truth of the matter was different. Flagging was done by county registrars doing their duty to confirm voter information was correct.

There is also an interesting thing happening as I write this. There is a growing walking caravan of migrants coming up from Honduras and Ecuador and Guatemala[11] with the stated intent of invad-…errrrr…I mean…crossing the border into the United States without having the legal right to do so. Mexican police unsuccessfully tried to stop them but were beaten up for their troubles and decided to “escort” the caravan instead. Fifteen hundred dropped out and applied to stay in Mexico — and Mexico took them.

[11] This group initially consisted of entire families. Yes. Children were included. They were leaving conditions so horrible that walking the 1800+ miles through Mexico to “freedom” was a better alternative and they were there to demand asylum — or so the mainstream media reported. By the time the caravan reached Mexico’s border hardly any “families” remained. U.S. flags were being covered in swastikas and burnt. Flags from their countries were being waved. They even got their chant wrong. Instead of saying “Yes we can!” they said “Yes we could!”

I am not surprised at Mexico. It is my understanding Mexican police work for the drug cartels and so are only used to shooting unarmed Mexican citizens. They aren’t used to having to deal with well-funded multi-national gangs… errrr…I mean poor people seeking a better life. Nor are they used to having the bright light of international media shining on them in a highly politicized situation. No wonder their police got their asses whupped. But there was another reason bloody police pictures were all over the Internet. To warn President Trump that he should be mighty skeert[12] of the righteous caravan.

[12] This is a Southern American phrase which means scared to the point of being a yella-belly and maybe pissing one’s pants as one views the trouble coming one’s way.

That’s right! Trump better open that border or else he was going to have a can of whup-...Hang on just a second. I must take this posted update on the situation from that most favored of real-news curators and fake-news-stopping social media giant Bacefook. Seems relevant and important and so I must not ignore it.

[Huh. Peruse and Scroll.]

“Migrants push north…”
[Venezuela is south. So. No, duh. Peruse and Scroll.]

“Five myths debunked…”
[Sure they are. Peruse and Scroll.]

“Trump holding back aid…”
[It’s Hammer Time! Peruse and Scroll.]

“Anybody who votes for…”
[Huh? Peruse and Scroll.]

“Bitch! You’re not a woman. You are a 300-pound Russian male hacker, you c—[13].”
[Whoa! Does your mama let you kiss her with that mouth?]

[13] The author was actually called this on Bacefook by someone purporting to be a man but who seemed to be confused about what a woman is. Real men are never confused about that. The C-word is not a nice word. Are you still scratching your heads because you cannot figure out the word? In alphabetical sequence the letters in the word are: C. N. T. U. The author leaves the sorting to you.

I thank you for your patience.
Now we can get back to the reason for this essay.

The mainstream media is not mentioning anything about how this group is managing to carry nothing with them but is somehow totally getting fed and keeping clean and hydrated or that their “big walk” is timed to coincide with the “most important midterm elections in our lifetimes” in the United States. Nor have they mentioned how they hope like hell that the military will act under Trump’s orders and kill all those poor migrant folks at the U.S.-Mexican border so they can get their Democrat Socialist candidates elected and be able to say na-na-na-boo-boo to those big bad Republicans who hate children and pussy hats and gender-queer-curious vegan tree-hugging union members.[15]

[15] The author is the first to admit this sentence mightily pushed the boundaries of “Commas Be Gone” usage. But she makes no apologies and simply says for the reader to “deal with it and put on yer big-girl panties and stop whining!”

I seem to have gotten off track here. Look. It is difficult to write on a good day. But you try not using commas and see how the pressure mounts.

Look, I’m under a lot of pressure here…No…I will not stop using apostrophes or ellipses…What?!?...Now you’re just tying my hands…Dude?…Oh. So now you hate me because…
I know you are. But what am I?...Sticks and stones, dude. Sticks and stones!...I will not stop using quote marks or colons…You shut up first…Oh! Well then. It’s on…

Where was I? No commas. Migrant caravan. Pussy-hat…Oh, yeah. I’m back on track. 

So the pussy-hat Socialists cannot get enough votes from citizens. What do they do? They go out and illegally register non-citizens to vote thinking nobody is going to notice them breaking the law of the land. Then — and here we’ve come full circle — they whine like a gurrrly-mahn[17] when somebody notices they broke voter and election laws and won’t let them get away with it.

[17] It is imperative the reader imagine an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent to get the full flavor of just how pitiful gurrrly-mahn types can whine.

I hate gurrrly-mahn whining. Do you see me whining about not getting to use any commas? You do not see me whining because I’m not a gurrrly-mahn. That may not be the best argument as to why I don’t whine, but heck, it’s the best I’ve got after writing this entire thing without com-…oops, my bad.