Friday, January 22, 2021

The Art of the Comeback: That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.


A feather for those
not worth a whole bird.
This is an excerpt from the book "Conversations In Hyperreality and other conversations Umberto Eco and Dave Barry never had". This entire book will help deprogram readers who wish to be able to once again identify and stand up as regular, normal, and non-politically-correct-whipped. Footnotes referenced in the article will be found at the end. Yes, these are very, very, very, very important...I mean, funny.

by Angela K. Durden

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

One person who would disagree with you about my overall good nature and ability to get along with just about everybody would be The Ex. In fact, he had a special name for me that confirmed his opinion. In this, he agreed with the Kingsmen drummer. That name was Bitch.

Yes, Bitch with a capital B, and make no mistake about that. Though he let it fly verbally once in a while, he mostly thought the name. I could tell from the look in his eyes that’s what he was thinking. Then he left no doubt toward the end of the marriage when he started saying it out loud in public.

Funny thing: Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Democrat RINO Socialist Fascist Commies[1] and certain Jazz Kittens[2] share The Ex’s opinion of the reader’s favorite[3] Autodidact Polymath Magnificently Methodical Southern Women and The Most Brilliant Woman In The World. And just like I told The Ex when he called me the B-word, I am willing to tell them all with relish and glee, “That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.”

I say I am willing to do it as if I haven’t done it. That is correct. And the reason I haven’t done it is because, well, for years I let myself be guided by this philosophy, namely: One shouldn’t pick on people with learning disabilities and, it became clear to me, that as an Autodidact Polymath Magnificently Methodical Southern Women and The Most Brilliant Woman In The World, compared to me everybody has learning disabilities. So, I made it an operational guideline to simply smile indulgently when the not-so-well-thought-out insults came and to thank them for their most learned opinion.[4]

That worked for many years. And by worked I mean fights and murder were avoided.[5] But dang it all to aitch, ee, double hockey sticks and back, I wasn’t having any fun, and further was constantly being mistaken for an easy target by bullies which finally prompted me to ask, “Angela, is this really how you want to live the rest of your life?” And the answer was no, it was not.

But what was missing?

It took me a while to realize what it was and in this I would like to thank “That 70s Show” for reminding me about “The Art of the Comeback”. The TV show was filmed in the 2010s but accurately represented a time before Political Correctness in all its glorified absurdity came to rule human conversation.[6] It is clear the show’s creators lived during that time and were familiar in a firsthand way with that art, now almost lost.

Of course, before we can bring back an art, we must first understand how that art disappeared. More specifically, why. Let’s walk through it. It started when three things came into being at the same time. One: An eroding of the use of Yes, ma’am, No, ma’am, Thank you, and please. Two: Children calling adults by their first names instead of the use of the titles Mr., Mrs., or Miss. Three: The rise of the fake Socialist[7] professor in academe. And four: The promotion of the notion that to care meant nobody ever got their feelings hurt.

Let’s start with one: There came a point where to use these social niceties was thought of as rude and, in some cases, arrogant.[8] All of a sudden it seemed people were ordering other people around. The difference between “Please, sir, pass the salt and pepper” and “Pass the salt and pepper” is huge. Like, Grand Canyon huge. Like, Master-to-Slave huge. If the resulting disuse of these niceties didn’t make more class distinctions, then I don’t know what could.

Number two: I was aghast the first time an adult told my children to call them by their first name and immediately whipped my head toward the issue of my loins and said, “You will address her as Mrs. Smith[9], I don’t care what she tells you to do, you understand me?”

Mrs. Smith then turned to me and with nose in air and a self-righteous sniff proceeded to explain to me how I was hurting the self-esteem of my child by not making them equal to adults at which point I said, “Mrs. Smith, you want to adopt them and pay all their bills? No? Then shut up and let me teach my children good manners. Thank you.”[10] Mrs. Smith was offended and let me know. I asked if it would make it all better if I was to say it all again but use her first name.

She walked away in a huff.

Number three: Furthering the problem[11] was the insidious placement of Soviets in the American school system. Yes, the KGB specially trained certain of their patriots to pretend to be anti-Soviet and to seek asylum in the U.S. Of course, these fake dissidents offered the CIA, FBI, and other alphabet government agencies just enough secret information that they were rewarded with cushy tenured positions in all the best schools across the land. They then identified the forerunners of our current iteration of dissidents, the P-HWPCLDRSFC, recruiting them via sneaky means[12] to push their agenda on U.S. campuses by shoving it down the throats of students afraid they would not graduate if they disagreed with the prof.

And finally, number four:  The promotion of the notion that to care meant nobody ever got their feelings hurt. Little known fact: Without any irony on their part, this notion began to be promoted on university campuses by professors who honed the art of bullying their students while requiring those same students to think that all opinions carried the same weight except the professors’ were weightier, and that one must never use certain words and phrases[13] or else people would think the student didn’t care! Whole sitcoms[14] were built around this concept, thus pushing the Soviet messaging through a capitalist ad-supported medium.[15]

Now that we know the history of how we came to where we are, let us return to the revival of “The Art of the Comeback” and how that is looking in our popular culture.

It all began when Donald “The Hammer” Trump decided he would run for president of the United States. Democrats, Radical Feminists, professors (retired or still teaching), and their acolytes humored the Orange One, as they named Trump, and smiled at him indulgently while gently saying things like “He just has no idea how silly he is. He has no chance to win the Republican nomination much less ever getting elected against our royalty…we mean, Hillary.”

Oh, the sweet scorn fairly flowed down their mountain tops in the form of headlines in all newspapers, major or otherwise, tweets by pundits, magazine covers, learned articles in serious publications, whole books, and on television with nightly reports on how “The Donald”, a former reality show star, had not even a snowball’s chance on a loaded barbeque grill in the South on the Fourth of July. Until, that is, Trump won the Republican nomination.

That is when the previously caring Left, RINOs[16], Deep State, and The Bigs of the Mainstream Media took off their gloves and put brass knuckles on each hand and came out swinging. Oh, the names they called him went a-flying around the world. Even leaders of other countries opined about Trump. What none of them counted on was Trump’s reaction.

See, the Left, RINOs[17], Deep State, and The Bigs of the Mainstream Media have been so used to being obeyed that when they told “The Hammer” to stop pretending he could win the election and he didn’t quit, they were horrified, aghast, sickened, depressed, and, in two famous instances, were left speechless on air. Attacks on Trump went from bad to “now we’re serious and we will destroy you.”

So, why haven’t those attacks against Trump worked like planned? Because Donald is the king of the comeback. He’s so good at it, you would think he had written the book “The Art of the Comeback” instead of that other one.[18] Then came the time when Trump didn’t wait for his enemies to strike first with their poutin’ and whinin’, and instead had tweet after tweet of snarky comeback bait awaiting them when they woke in the morning. Now who was behind in the news cycle? Now who was messing with their little minds? Huh?

Yeah, that’s right. Of course, what was humorous was that the Left, RINOs, Deep State, and The Bigs of the Mainstream Media didn’t have any comebacks at all. Not a one. Not one single retort that anybody cared to talk about.[19] We know this because the media was not quoting each other but was quoting Trump all day long because it was only then their sagging Nielson ratings and paper circulations went up.

Trump’s tweets and speeches and eye rolls and such, even as his wife tried to make nice, gave hope to millions — I misspeak! — billions of people around the world who said, “Hey, I can do that and bring back some clear thinking in my neighborhood.” And they are doing that. Why, just the other day I heard a young man say to a young woman, “Woman! What’s the matter with you? You on the rag?”[20]

And the reason that young man felt empowered to say such as that to a Radical Feminist acolyte was because Trump has said something similar to Little Dear Leader, also known as Little Rocket Man by millions now that Trump named him. Isn’t that just cool and great and so…so…real and human? Yes, it is.

The comeback restores equilibrium by telling bullies, and others who are out of control, that there are limits and they will abide by them or else suffer the consequences.

See? Comebacks are cheaper than war, and when done properly makes the murder count go way down. Chicago  and Detroit could use lessons in “The Art of the Comeback.” God knows nothing else is working for them.



[1] Often referred to by its acronym: P-HWPCLDRSFC.

[2] Yes, the reader has deduced correctly that this may, in point of fact, be a redundancy with the preceding statement as most Jazz Kittens are P-HWPCLDRSFCs.

[3] P-HWPCLDRSFCs and The Ex do not hold the author in the same favored status nor do they recognize the overall talent and genius that is she. They are such limited thinkers.

[4] The author has found this method does have a sharp bite at the end of it for them because often the people to whom she grants a thank you then believe she approves of their comment, if not outright agrees with it, and they are always mighty surprised to later find out she does not.

[5] The author agrees that murder was a bit of a stretch, but for the sake of making a point — and to remind you that you did not know The Ex — she feels it was perfectly acceptable to say that.

 [6] By “human conversation” the author means First World countries with strong state-funded systems of education, from elementary to college and the spectrum in between, which insidiously inserted Socialist thinking coupled with “Caring” thus rendering null and void the part of conversation known as “The Burn” or “The Comeback”.

 [7] Time would prove these to be true Communists.

[8] The author notes the reader’s point: Arrogant and rude are the same, so the statement seems redundant. However, while rudeness is embodied in arrogance, arrogance itself embodies conceit, snobbery, and condescension from those with lots of money and high place in society, whereas poor people can be rude in their own way.

[9] Not her real name.

[10] The author has lost touch with Mrs. Smith and has never cared to find out where that Socialist witch is anyway. However, the author did find out that twenty years after this incident, Mrs. Smith became Mr. Smith and then donned a red pussy hat and marched in the streets beside his sisters. As a female, Mrs. Smith preferred men so as a woman she was straight. But now as a man she still prefers men and therefore has ticked another inclusive box as a gay man.

[11] The author chose to use this negative word on purpose, though some general managers of car dealerships and other sales directors would prefer the use of the word challenge.

[12] Flattery, alcohol, drugs including LSD, Timothy Leary and other guru types, calling them by their first names except when in bed and then using their title in a sexy voice, and so forth, so that while at work on campus Martha and Mark taught class, but at night when they were boinking each other’s brains out they were My Wittle ProfessOR and DOCtor FEELgoooood.

[13] The author is not going to list those words/phrases as the reader would be bored out of their gourd with reading a list of 5974 words/phrases — and still growing.

[14] The reader may recall a famous episode in a show called “Seinfeld” whose most famous line was “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” This line can still be heard coming from the mouths of Millennials who have never heard of Jerry Seinfeld, thereby making the case for the Soviet’s success in infiltrating the U.S.

[15] Ruskies are way sneakier than anybody.

[16] Republicans In Name Only.

[17] Republicans In Name Only, in case you forgot.

[18] “The Art of the Deal”, which was a stupid book, but he sold a bunch of them, so maybe not so stupid after all?

[19] The best it ever got was when Anderson Cooper replied on air to a Trump tweet when he said, “Oh, yeah? Well…ummm…well.”

[20] The author is lying. She did not hear this, but it is funny and she says you just wait and see if that doesn’t come back into popular usage making her a prophetess so that her full title will be Autodidact Polymath Prophetess Magnificently Methodical Southern Women and The Most Brilliant Woman In The World.


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Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Beware the Hue and Cry

At it again...all for you.

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

All the hue and cry of late about setting up highly focused platforms for conservatives has left me cold since it simply reinforces the problem of tribalism gone wild. While it is true that being on a digital platform can get messaging out to the wide world, if we come to believe that is the only way to do it, then we've already lost. I promote in-person and local interaction because that is where I am most powerful.

The solution to Big Tech censorship many are proposing is simply the same thing Big Tech is doing: Consolidating a viewpoint.

I for one do not want to live in a place where one viewpoint is heard. That sort of thinking is a disease that will rot the core out of any strength. 

Stand in the place that you are.
Bloom where you stand. 

Know why you believe what you do. 

You cannot doubt everything and function

You cannot believe everything and survive

But you must examine everything from every source, including your own mind and friends and leaders who are and leaders who are wannabes.

Beware the hue and cry of the offended no matter where or who they may be for when you hear it you are hearing a one-sided story from someone who wants what you have.


Monday, January 18, 2021

Standstill, Ye Booty-Snatchers!

At it again...all for you.

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

Today, I saw that Breitbart is reporting the Little Z-Man has blacklisted "Stop the Steal" from his most awesome of social networking site. Everybody was crying and whining.

But I thought, "You know, algorithms only do what they are told, and thus are limited by the knowledge of their human creators." To that end, I worked and worked and worked for about three minutes to come up with five ways to say the same thing that should fool bots and their humans.

See if you don't find them humorous and totally workable.

Halt the Thievery!
Curb the Snatching!
End the Filch!
Cease the Purloin!

[And this shows why I am such a great writer. ( Ain't bragging if it's fact and somebody's gotta say it, right? Buy my books! Links below!)]

Standstill, Ye Booty-Snatchers! [Though I believe this one may very well be misunderstood and why everybody needs a good editor.]


Friday, January 15, 2021

Method and Motivation: Who's zoomin' who?

Who's zoomin' who?

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

Motive and method always determine whether a thing is good or bad. For instance, taking a knife and cutting a body open. Good or bad? Depends. Are you being attacked and someone is attempting to torture and kill you? Or has an interior body part ceased functioning and you are dying and to save your life that part must be reached through surgery to be repaired or removed?

Both scenarios above involve pain and usually make a big mess, but the outcomes are different. One is good. One is bad. In the former, you say thank you. In the latter, you beg to be let go.

You see? Determining factors are motive and method.

Which brings us to these:

1. Most claiming to have an open mind are close-minded. 
2. Most asserting they are free thinkers, do not recognize any shade of gray.
3. Most who say they are ruled by first principles deny the existence of the biggest first principle of all, the Creator.

First principle thinking is a process by which one seeks to break down a problem to its simplest elements in order to find a solution. First principle thinking always asks why until why can’t be asked any more. This process began with Aristotle. Elon Musk talks about it a lot, too, but even he doesn’t understand how to apply it because, much to the aggravation buyers of Teslas, he doesn’t have any overhead handholds even after they’ve begged for them because they are helpful.

But, enough of Elon.

The Founding Fathers of the United States of America practiced first principle thinking. The Constitution and Bill of Rights of the United States are first principle documents.

The first principle of both documents is freedom for citizens of the U.S. How can it be guaranteed? How can it be protected? How can assaults against it can be rebuked and corrected?

Well, the 2020 election (both national, state, and local) counts were hijacked, commandeered, stolen. When both SCOTUS, federal, district, and state courts refused to allow evidence into their courts and put the burden, nay, the obligation, to defend freedom by demanding free and fair election where the Constitution had decreed — with the legislatures of the states who had the massive cheating. And when those state legislatures refused to do their jobs in a timely fashion or at all.

Then according to the Constitution the people had a right to peaceably assemble and have their grievances acknowledged and be solved.

You see? The citizens understand first principle thinking.

And so, after and when elected leaders failed to do their jobs correctly, failed to explain the process to the people, ignored testimony given to state elections subcommittees, on January 6, 2020, many thousands peaceably assembled to have their voices heard at the Nation’s capital. Yes, a very few got overheated and knocked down barriers and pushed their way into the building, but the vast majority did not do that. The absolute vast majority remained calm yet demanding that their elected leaders get their head out of their ass and do the right thing.

Yet those bastions of ignoring first principles, also known as #CrunkNewsNetwork and #LegacyMedia and those with #TDR [Trump Derangement Syndrome] and just about every Commie and all dictators, proceeded to say that the 01/06/2020 peaceable assembly was worse than all the destruction of property, cities, and lives that were done in several woke U.S. cities by fire, bricks, bats, brass knuckles, and the shut down of the economy.

In fact, #CrunkNewsNetwork and #LegacyMedia and those with #TDR and just about every Commie and all dictators claiming to be for the people, encouraged the destruction by calling these riots peaceful protests. A rose by any other name, right? In the meantime, the people were hurt worse.

I so want to use ironic quotes around that phrase, so here goes: “peaceful protests”. Whew, I feel better.

Of course the #CrunkNewsNetwork and #LegacyMedia and those with #TDR and just about every Commie and all dictators wouldn’t know a peaceful protest if it bit them in the ass.

You see?

Can’t see the ballots nor recount nor confirm process or method, citizens are told. Citizens ask WHY?

And they keep asking why until they get an answer that is true. And if that answer is that what was done was done to push something onto Citizens that Citizens would never choose. Leading to what?

Why, leading to #CrunkNewsNetwork and #LegacyMedia and those with #TDR and just about every Commie and all dictators changing their minds about the usefulness of and necessity for our men and women [so sue me, Grandma Pelosi] in blue. Who would’ve thought you’d hear these people say “Back The Blue”?

But where am I leading to?

I’m leading to the point that so many people, well-meaning but obviously not first principle thinkers, are calling the January 6, 2020, peaceful assembly — also known as the exercising of their Constitutional right to demand legitimate grievances are addressed within the existing lawful system — an insurrection, as if that is always a bad thing.

Messy? Yes. Not perfectly done? Possibly. Could it be worse? Oh, yeah…especially if they are ignored.

Remember the knife and cutting mentioned earlier? Method and motive always determine the rightness or wrongness of any action and outcome. Insurrection is not a bully attack on innocent people. It is surgery to save a nation.

Trump’s actions against politicians and other bullies who have been trodding on citizens’ rights reminds one of the scripture that says: "Wounds inflicted by a friend are faithful, but many kisses from a hater are deceitful." Proverbs 27:6

Orange Man Bad because why? Tells the truth? Fights for what is right? Doesn’t kowtow to Commie PC? Speaks plainly? Is nonconformist and outlandish?

Whereas “Creepy Uncle Who Am I?” is good because why? Promises big checks and lots of goodies? Doesn’t mind lying non-stop to tickle your ears? Has no problem twisting the truth to fit his facts? Fights for his pocketbook to be lined even if to do so means he promotes destruction of freedom?

Or, as Aretha Franklin put it so well, who’s zoomin’ who?


Thursday, January 14, 2021

"Give Me Some Men Who Are Stout Hearted Men"


At it again...all for you.

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

Give me some men who are stout-hearted men 
Who will fight for the right they adore. 
Start me with ten who are stout-hearted men, 
And I'll soon give you ten thousand more. 
Oh, shoulder to shoulder, and bolder and bolder 
They grow as they go to the fore. 
Then there's nothing in the world can halt or mar a plan 
When stout-hearted men can stick together man to man.

You who have dreams 
If you act, they will come true 
 To turn your dream to a fact 
It's up to you 
If you have the soul and the spirit 
Never fear it, you'll see it through. 
Hearts can inspire other hearts with their fire. 
For the strong obey when a strong man shows them the way.

WRITERS: Oscar Hammerstein II / Sigmund Romberg
In the movie "New Moon" with Nelson Eddy and 


Wednesday, January 13, 2021

When the bottom rumbles, the top falls.

At it again...all for you.

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

The news is that the Google Play has removed Parler from its store. The next news is that the Amazon has given Parler one week to remove all their data — apps and customer information — from their servers.

And so everybody is freaking out. 

Look, if Big Tech — in all its manifestations — decides on a shut down scenario, then two things will happen. 

One: They are cutting their own throats because stockholders will start screaming and stockbrokers will start dumping. 

Two: Regular folks will start building, and in many instances rebuilding, their local communities.

On the one hand, Failure always starts at the top. Even as it proclaims almightiness from its high perch, that perch is pointy, small, shaky, and vulnerable. It cannot be inhabited for long without support from the bottom.

On the other, Success always begins at the bottom. When the bottom rumbles, the top falls. This is as true in the workings of mankind as it is true in nature.

If Google and Amazon are that stupid, then they aren't viable to begin with. I cannot believe they are. Then again, I could be wrong in which case Number Two above kicks in. 

Stop freaking out.
Buy one of my books and enjoy something instead.


Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Video O' Da Day: "Can we remove her?"

Schumer asks: "Can we remove her?"
He is told no.
He shakes his head like "What the hell?"

Insurrection, Peaceable Assembly, and Provocateurs

At it again...all for you.

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

January 6, 2021, was not an insurrection because insurrections involve massive firepower and other weapons wielded by those trained and prepared to take over a government. 

Insurrections never have a huge crowd standing around peaceably and begging for government leaders to do the right thing and then who go home at the end of the day. That's not how insurrections work. That's not even how they start.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Yet the opposite of this is being pushed right now by certain politicians, corporations, and other groups not knowing, or at least unwilling to know, that what they are fomenting to make happen — dictatorship-like suppression of information and punishment of those who disagree with them — will blow up in their faces in the long run.

There are a lot of videos that show the entire story from Jan 6. The assembly of peaceful citizens exercising their Constitutional right was infiltrated by several small groups of organized provocateurs. There were peaceful citizens who put themselves between those provocateurs and the police to protect the police, backing the agents of mayhem away. I watched these videos. Peaceful citizens exercising their Constitutional right to peaceful assembly pulled down agents and would not let them destroy the Capital. Other peaceful citizens stood in front of broken windows and would not allow anyone in and threw themselves on top of others to protect them from being attacked by the provocateurs.

Insurrectionists don't care who gets hurt or killed and they never try to protect the building into which they are trying to get until after getting in it and killing those inside.

But none of those is shown by the MSM.

Peaceable assembly to protest is our right as Citizens. It is what keeps the powers of government in check. What is it they say: Absolute power corrupts absolutely. The framers knew this and put in the Constitution that check on tyranny.

When peaceable assemblies are invaded by provocateurs, they do so with the sole aim of looking like the crowd in which they are mixed so as to confuse people who do not understand about those things. It's an old trick used throughout the millenniums because it works [just look at the hijacking of peaceable assembly to redress grievances all during this year across the US].

Such rabble-rousing tactics only work for awhile because those methods of ruling are not sustainable. While they present a public face of solidarity and kumbaya, these groups actually have nothing much in common and are working at cross purposes. They don't trust each other. Even within their own small groups, there is too much infighting. Infighting keeps them from growing strong for the long haul.


Monday, January 11, 2021

The Staying Hand of Almighty God

At it again...all for you.

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

I love Thomas Sowell. However, I disagree with his conclusion of "More important, it is irreversible." [Read his article here.]

Sure, it is irreversible if the only entities involved are humans. But Almighty God's hand in matters — He does have a purpose, you know — should not be forgotten. 

Many times in history, when His Will was being ignored and the powerful gloated in celebration of their win, they were brought low, fast and furious, leaving everyone to say "What just happened?"


Saturday, January 9, 2021

Rudy G. More details on the Capital breach

Friday, January 8, 2021

The Accidental Comedianne


And funny, too.

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

I could never be a talk show host. Name the type of talks shows there are and I can tell you categorically I couldn't host any of them twice in a row. Neither could I be a comedianne. [Yes, I use the feminine of comedian and I don't care whether or not you like that, Nancy Pelosi.]

There's a reason for that. Those who know me in person, or who've read my books [Dancing at the Waffle House, Conversations in Hyperreality, among others], have invariably at many various points laughed out loud at something I say or write. "Oh, Angela," they all say, "you should be a comedian."

My reply is always, "I am just such as that, only...not on purpose." 

You see, my humor rarely involves a joke. Jokes have a setup, a pause, and a punchline. In front of an audience — whether that be in-person on a stage in front of a live audience, in-studio with a host and camera crew for audience, or on a podcast viewed by tens of people over a period of years — I am not, and never will be, the master of the joke. 

But let me be where I can have a conversation with someone and let that conversation run this way and that and let me have an opinion about anything underlying subjects in it, then my humor bone starts vibrating and next thing you know people are cracking up.

I was once interviewed on a college TV show about my first children's book "Heroes Need Practice, Too!" On that same show was this guy introduced as a comedian. He was funny. I laughed though not once did I feel the urge to tighten my bladder when he spoke. That is to say, he didn't make me laugh so hard that I thought I'd wet my pants.

After the interviews/performances were over, I went up to the young man to tell him he did a good job. He thanked me. Next thing I know, both he and the producer and the host of the show were needing a bathroom doubled up with major guffawing as they were with what I was saying. 

Finally able to catch a breath and wiping tears from his eyes, the young comedian said, "You are absolutely the funniest person I've ever met. You should be on stage."

I said, "Nah. You're funny on purpose. Me, I'm just situationally funny."

If a script has to be followed. 

If I have to deliver words written by a team to an anonymous audience.

If those words must be delivered at a particular time and within a certain time limit. 

Then I am not your girl. 

You see, while I am The Most Brilliant Woman In The World, I still hear slow and respond slowly because as TMBWITW I see many facets upon which to opine. Which shall it be? I must run through them all. But once I've decided, then...well, I move forward pretty quickly.

So [shameless plug coming atcha], buy my books for yourself and as gifts for others. You'll all have more fun, you won't be wasting time, and giftees will thank you profusely.