This is an excerpt from the book "Conversations In Hyperreality and other conversations Umberto Eco and Dave Barry never had". This entire book will help deprogram readers who wish to be able to once again identify and stand up as regular, normal, and non-politically-correct-whipped. Footnotes referenced in the article will be found at the end. Yes, these are very, very, very, very important...I mean, funny.
|A feather for those |
not worth a whole bird.
by Angela K. Durden
A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman
and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
One person who would disagree with you about my overall
good nature and ability to get along with just about everybody would be The Ex.
In fact, he had a special name for me that confirmed his opinion. In this, he
agreed with the Kingsmen drummer. That name was Bitch.
Yes, Bitch with a capital B, and make no mistake about
that. Though he let it fly verbally once in a while, he mostly thought the name. I could tell from the
look in his eyes that’s what he was thinking. Then he left no doubt toward the
end of the marriage when he started saying it out loud in public.
Funny thing: Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct
Liberal Democrat RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
and certain Jazz Kittens
share The Ex’s opinion of the reader’s favorite
Autodidact Polymath Magnificently Methodical Southern Women and The Most
Brilliant Woman In The World. And just like I told The Ex when he called me the
B-word, I am willing to tell them all with relish and glee, “That’s my name.
Don’t wear it out.”
I say I am willing
to do it as if I haven’t done it. That is correct. And the reason I haven’t
done it is because, well, for years I let myself be guided by this philosophy,
namely: One shouldn’t pick on people with learning disabilities and, it became
clear to me, that as an Autodidact Polymath Magnificently Methodical Southern
Women and The Most Brilliant Woman In The World, compared to me everybody has
learning disabilities. So, I made it an operational guideline to simply smile
indulgently when the not-so-well-thought-out insults came and to thank them for
their most learned opinion.
That worked for many years. And by worked I mean fights and murder were avoided.
But dang it all to aitch, ee, double hockey sticks and back, I wasn’t having
any fun, and further was constantly being mistaken for an easy target by
bullies which finally prompted me to ask, “Angela, is this really how you want
to live the rest of your life?” And the answer was no, it was not.
But what was missing?
It took me a while to realize what it was and in this I
would like to thank “That 70s Show” for reminding me about “The Art of the
Comeback”. The TV show was filmed in the 2010s but accurately represented a
time before Political Correctness in all its glorified absurdity came to rule
It is clear the show’s creators lived during that time and were familiar in a
firsthand way with that art, now almost lost.
Of course, before we can bring back an art, we must
first understand how that art disappeared. More specifically, why. Let’s walk
through it. It started when three things came into being at the same time. One:
An eroding of the use of Yes, ma’am, No, ma’am, Thank you, and please.
Two: Children calling adults by their first names instead of the use of the
titles Mr., Mrs., or Miss. Three: The rise of the fake Socialist
professor in academe. And four: The promotion of the notion that to care meant nobody ever got their
Let’s start with one: There came a point where to use
these social niceties was thought of as rude and, in some cases, arrogant.
All of a sudden it seemed people were ordering other people around. The
difference between “Please, sir, pass the salt and pepper” and “Pass the salt
and pepper” is huge. Like, Grand Canyon huge. Like, Master-to-Slave huge. If
the resulting disuse of these niceties didn’t make more class distinctions,
then I don’t know what could.
Number two: I was aghast the first time an adult told
my children to call them by their first name and immediately whipped my head
toward the issue of my loins and said, “You will address her as Mrs. Smith,
I don’t care what she tells you to do, you understand me?”
Mrs. Smith then turned to me and with nose in air and a
self-righteous sniff proceeded to explain to me how I was hurting the
self-esteem of my child by not making them equal to adults at which point I
said, “Mrs. Smith, you want to adopt them and pay all their bills? No? Then
shut up and let me teach my children good manners. Thank you.”
Mrs. Smith was offended and let me know. I asked if it would make it all better
if I was to say it all again but use her first name.
She walked away in a huff.
Number three: Furthering the problem
was the insidious placement of Soviets in the American school system. Yes, the
KGB specially trained certain of their patriots to pretend to be anti-Soviet
and to seek asylum in the U.S. Of course, these fake dissidents offered the
CIA, FBI, and other alphabet government agencies just enough secret information
that they were rewarded with cushy tenured positions in all the best schools
across the land. They then identified the forerunners of our current iteration
of dissidents, the P-HWPCLDRSFC, recruiting them via sneaky means
to push their agenda on U.S. campuses by shoving it down the throats of
students afraid they would not graduate if they disagreed with the prof.
And finally, number four: The promotion of the notion that to care meant nobody ever got their
feelings hurt. Little known fact: Without any irony on their part, this notion
began to be promoted on university campuses by professors who honed the art of
bullying their students while requiring those same students to think that all
opinions carried the same weight except the professors’ were weightier, and
that one must never use certain words and phrases
or else people would think the student
didn’t care! Whole sitcoms
were built around this concept, thus pushing the Soviet messaging through a
capitalist ad-supported medium.
Now that we know the history of how we came to where we
are, let us return to the revival of “The Art of the Comeback” and how that is
looking in our popular culture.
It all began when Donald “The Hammer” Trump decided he
would run for president of the United States. Democrats, Radical Feminists,
professors (retired or still teaching), and their acolytes humored the Orange
One, as they named Trump, and smiled at him indulgently while gently saying
things like “He just has no idea how silly he is. He has no chance to win the
Republican nomination much less ever getting elected against our royalty…we
Oh, the sweet scorn fairly flowed down their mountain
tops in the form of headlines in all newspapers, major or otherwise, tweets by
pundits, magazine covers, learned articles in serious publications, whole books,
and on television with nightly reports on how “The Donald”, a former reality
show star, had not even a snowball’s chance on a loaded barbeque grill in the South
on the Fourth of July. Until, that is, Trump won the Republican nomination.
That is when the previously caring Left, RINOs,
Deep State, and The Bigs of the Mainstream Media took off their gloves and put
brass knuckles on each hand and came out swinging. Oh, the names they called
him went a-flying around the world. Even leaders of other countries opined
about Trump. What none of them counted on was Trump’s reaction.
See, the Left, RINOs,
Deep State, and The Bigs of the Mainstream Media have been so used to being
obeyed that when they told “The Hammer” to stop pretending he could win the
election and he didn’t quit, they were horrified, aghast, sickened, depressed,
and, in two famous instances, were left speechless on air. Attacks on Trump
went from bad to “now we’re serious and we will destroy you.”
So, why haven’t those attacks against Trump worked like
planned? Because Donald is the king of the comeback. He’s so good at it, you
would think he had written the book “The Art of the Comeback” instead of that
Then came the time when Trump didn’t wait for his enemies to strike first with
their poutin’ and whinin’, and instead had tweet after tweet of snarky comeback
bait awaiting them when they woke in the morning. Now who was behind in the
news cycle? Now who was messing with their little minds? Huh?
Yeah, that’s right. Of course, what was humorous was
that the Left, RINOs, Deep State, and The Bigs of the Mainstream Media didn’t
have any comebacks at all. Not a one. Not one single retort that anybody cared
to talk about.
We know this because the media was not quoting each other but was quoting Trump
all day long because it was only then their sagging Nielson ratings and paper
circulations went up.
Trump’s tweets and speeches and eye rolls and such,
even as his wife tried to make nice, gave hope to millions — I misspeak! —
billions of people around the world who said, “Hey, I can do that and bring
back some clear thinking in my neighborhood.” And they are doing that. Why,
just the other day I heard a young man say to a young woman, “Woman! What’s the
matter with you? You on the rag?”
And the reason that young man felt empowered to say
such as that to a Radical Feminist acolyte was because Trump has said something
similar to Little Dear Leader, also known as Little Rocket Man by millions now
that Trump named him. Isn’t that just cool and great and so…so…real and human?
Yes, it is.
The comeback restores equilibrium by telling bullies,
and others who are out of control, that there are limits and they will abide by
them or else suffer the consequences.
See? Comebacks are cheaper than war, and when done
properly makes the murder count go way down. Chicago and Detroit could use lessons in “The Art of
the Comeback.” God knows nothing else is working for them.
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