Friday, December 15, 2017

"Back Matter" matters for The Most Brilliant Woman in the World.

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

In 2018 I will be releasing three new books, the contents of which have been written over a period of two years, informed as they are by a lifetime of being The Most Brilliant Woman in the World (TMBWW), which began when I was a mere child of thirty months.

TMBWW is not Hillary Clinton. We all know her friends have identified her as "the smartest woman in the room", a title I will graciously allow her to have for two reasons. One: We're never going to be in the same room together, and since the use of the word room is limited to a finite space and small stretch of time, I can, two: Be gracious as the victor and allow a small win for the vanquished. 

Although, frankly, Hillary is like a camel getting its nose under the tent. She will take that small victory as proof that she is wanted and will continue to put on grand airs. Which is why she must continually be "kicked in the nose" like the camel who wants to get inside the tent and take over the bed. That is to say, she must be reminded of her place. 

I am able and willing to do that. But let's get back to the most important thing and why you are reading this: Me. 

Every book must have something called "back matter", pieces of marketing and snippets of quotes that, when one picks up a book and looks at the back cover, one reads and believes it is so brilliant one says, "I will invest in this book because it will fulfill its promise of..." whatever that promise is. 

There's a formula to producing back matter that matters. First, you got to have quotes from people that are recognizable to the general reading public. If their name is not known, then at least have a list of titles establishing their bona fides. Known name and impressive title list at the same time? Score!

The second thing is the paragraph that describes the author without repeating what would be anywhere in the interior of the book.

My upcoming books are all in need of back matter. In this, my faithful readers, I would like your opinion on what has been suggested to me as the back matter that matters. Here it is. Please feel free to email me with your opinion. My email address is If I do not hear from you, I will assume you believe the back matter that matters works well as written and I will take your silence as a double thumbs-up to proceed.


"If I were alive today, I would highly recommend you read this book by Angela K. Durden. It is no brag because it is fact that she is The Most Brilliant Woman in the World. I can say that because as The Most Brilliant Man in the World, at one time, I know excellent humor when I see it. Also, my good friends and faithful readers — Neal, Rush, and Sean — only wish they had the guts to write as she does. If I were alive today, I would be taking her on tour with me. Oh, to see the faces of those ticked-off politicians and social justice warriors when they would hear her opine humorously. Damn, I hate it that I'm dead. But since I am dead, and the world has not had another humorist such as me since that plane crash, I nominate Angela K. Durden to take my place. I am sure you will agree. Please give her your money as your ancestors once gave me theirs. You won't regret it."

Will Rogers
No longer bookable because he's dead, 
but former highly paid actor, performer, 
syndicated columnist, and expert lasso artist

"I apologize to the reader of this book that I, Mark Twain, dead these many long years, have not been given more space to write back matter that matters. So let me be quick for I shan't much have time to say it any other way in this short space: The writings contained in these covers as written by my good friend Angela K. Durden — I would call her that if I was still alive — are a must read for all with any intelligence. Just like the many books and articles I wrote through the years that most politicians publicly smiled at but privately railed against, and which mantle of humorous social commentary was taken up by Will Rogers after I died, Angela K. Durden is today ably filling that huge sucking void. That is, she does a fine job of pointing out the foibles of those who take themselves so seriously they believe they have all the answers for everything and know better than you how to live your life."

Mark Twain
No longer writing because he's dead,
but former world-wide celebrity, writer, 
columnist, author, novelist, and 
world traveler who loved his wife and kids

In one of her many public statements, Angela K. Durden noted that the reason she can get away with saying what she does is because she is a Southern Woman who looks like a school teacher yet knows how to fake sincerity. Prefacing her hard-hitting comments with words and phrases like Sweetie pie, Honey, Sugah, Bless your heart, and Oh, aren't you just the cutest thing ever, Durden throws people off guard with sweet words and smiles, and by giving them the feather because they aren't worth a whole bird.  

Durden does not speak French, Spanish, or Greek, but she proves her love of multi-culturalism by uttering the phrases "Oui, oui, Monsieur", "¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!", and "Periménete, periménete, periménete ... nai" when the time is right and the situation calls for it. 

Angela K. Durden has been a humorist her entire life. Just ask her mother who always said, "You're joking, right?" or her ex-husband who is well known for saying to her "Oh, you think you're real funny, don't you?", and to friends and relatives "She thinks she's a comedian." (And now you know one reason why he is the ex, though her mother still thinks she jokes.)


Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Hump Day Quickie: Those Who Can and...

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Roy Moore Loses, but Trump makes the headlines

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Bet you didn't know the Alabama race was all about Trump, did you? But see the headline from #CrunkNewsNetwork: Not a mention of the winner, Doug Jones. Why is that? Because they don't care who won. They only care that Trump is made to look bad, as if Trump is their problem, which he isn't, but more on that later in the article. See how it works? 

On #CrunkNewsNetwork's politics page, Stephen Collinson wrote:
"The stunning win by Democrat Doug Jones in one of the nation's most conservative states raised questions not just about Trump's political acumen but also over whether his remarkable run, in which he crushed convention and defied political gravity, is beginning, finally, to run out of steam."

However, long before allegations of indecent proposals against Moore, Trump had said Moore would not win. All Trump cared about was keeping a Democrat out of the seat and keeping a Republican in. As we see from this tweet:  
But as Donald "The Hammer" Trump put it gentlemanly and realistically after the race: "Congratulations...a win is a win."

But #CrunkNewsNetwork's spin machine got cranked to full rotation when Collinson made it sound like the Moore loss was the last nail in the coffin of the support for Trump from — oh, how did the writer put it? — the "coalition of rural, working-class voters attracted by the President's populist nationalism and evangelicals."

The above statement is a huge insult to citizens, especially when the map of county-by-county wins from the 2016 election are looked at in toto which showed mostly small pockets of voters for Hillary scattered here and there, and only three larger bastions of Liberal thought throwing support behind her.

The reason that statement is a huge insult is because you may actually infer the following if you understand the subtext: The "bonfire-circling masses of barbeque-eating, uneducated, and stupid rednecks gnawing on plugs of tobacco chaw and those others too busy praying to JuuhhEEEzus so that they are easily duped by promises from the snake oil salesman."

What the Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat RINO Liberal Socialist Fascist Commies do not understand is that Trump was merely a catalyst, and catalysts are simply the spark that starts a larger action. Like a match to fuel. The match doesn't burn the forest, but it does start the fire. And this fire is burning the useless underbrush around the world.

What is that fire?

  • Smaller government, 
  • fairer tax codes, 
  • government playing a smaller role in the individual's life, 
  • more individual autonomy, 
  • support for small businesses (which carries the bulk of a nation's GDP, by the way), 
  • less force of law pushing Pussy-Hat Wearers agendas, 
  • and the right for individuals and families to choose how they live their lives and how they will raise and educate their children. 

Therefore, the larger action against Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat RINO Liberal Socialist Fascist Commies is not Trump. It's the likes of you and me.

And, I shall say it here, the fire also includes many who publicly call themselves Liberal but who I know for a fact are quietly carrying concealed weapons, sending their children to private military, secular, and religious schools, and in other ways are closet Conservatives, Libertarians, and Constitution supporters.

But the Democratic win was not by much as this New York Times graphic shows. So all the crowing about the crushing and stunning defeat and blah, blah, blah, is just that — crowing. And what do crows do when fire comes? They fly away.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Fooled Ya: The Passive-Aggressive Evil of Corporations

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Let me tell you what I remember about trying to open one of these cans. I remember feeling proud of myself when I pulled out the full spoon and didn't spill any. I also remember sneaking into the kitchen, filling up a big metal spoon, and eating dry that Nestlé Quik sweet chocolaty nectar of the gods.

Oh, man. It melted in my mouth. All that sugar. The memories are fantastic. However...

...when I was in second grade and was a mere child of eight, I learned the hard way about the passive-aggressive evil of corporations. Oh, I could not name it as such at that moment because I was, after all, a mere child. But I named it later with the help of a therapist. It took years of talking it through before we got to the real reason I have a love-hate (or is it love/hate?) relationship with food.

You see, Eight-Years-Old B.T.B.L.* , food was my friend.

True, there was The Great Avocado Incident when I was four and threw a mighty temper tantrum as I fought not to be fed this horrible green stuff that turned out to be quite nice and of which I've been a fan ever since.

And, yes, you will recall The Great Jalapeno Pepper Incident when I was five, but that was all my fault and did not involve any corporations, though it did involve another temper tantrum, this time as I demanded to eat another green thing that I mistook for a sweet avocado and during which my step-father said to my mother who was pleading for leniency toward me, "I'm gonna let her eat the damn thing and let her learn a damn lesson."

And which lesson I learned immediately. While thrashing about the floor in fear of my mortal soul dying I was nevertheless dispassionately watching myself from a corner of the ceiling and saying, " he wasn't lying when he said that was not an avocado. Got it." And from that point forward I have never confused the two.

Dear Reader, I know you are saying to yourself, "What has The Avocado Incident and The Great Jalapeno Pepper Incident got to do with corporations and whether or not they are evil and/or passive aggressive?"

They don't have anything to do with it. But just hold yer horses, there. Imma fixin' to tell ya the rest of the story. Sheesh. You can't even let a girl have a little side trip in her story?

So, anyway, Eight-Years-Old B.T.B.L., corporation-provided food was my friend. But A.B.T.L.*, not so much. Here's how that happened.

There I was. Sneaking into the kitchen again. Looking forward to a big ol' dry spoonful of that sweet chocolaty nectar of the gods when I said to myself, "Hmmmm...this looks even darker and more wonderful. Oh, oh, oh, I cannot wait to eat this."

Into my mouth popped the biggest spoonful ever of this —

You see how I could mistake the two cans? Same type of lid. Same size. Now, I was not a stupid child. Everybody knew Nestlé and Hershey's are both chocolate and I knew it, too.

Of course I choked on it. Coughed it out of my lungs all over the kitchen counter, chair I was standing on, floor, my clothes. Dark cocoa powder hung in the air floating over to the kitchen table, mingling in my hair, clinging to curtains. I was gagging thinking this sh** would never get out of my lungs and what evil is this that has been wrought upon me? And I was furious to boot when in walks Mother who proceeds to die laughing.

She's in on the plot!

Of course, I later learned that in therapy, too.

*B.T.B.L.: Before The Big Lie
*A.T.B.L.: After The Big Lie

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Hump Day Quickie: I'm a Man!

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

From the category of "Things I Can't Make Up No Matter How Good a Writer I Am" —

Overheard at the table next to me. Said by a woman sitting in a man's lap just as she stood up, slapped him, backed away, and found a chair:

"Hey! Whoa! I knowyeraman. Ya don'tgottaproveitrightnow."

In any case, he seemed happy just to have been around the female form and I think he was into pain because he smiled real big when she slapped him unless...Oh, please...Ewwww...was that foreplay?

You know what? Just enjoy Chicago doing "I'm a Man."

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Oh, what my friends say about current events.

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Falling on a sword. Voluntary or not: Either way, you're dead.

by Angela K. Durden

P***y-chasing politicians and pundits and personalities on the P-HWPCDLRSFC* side are now being outed faster than you can refresh your Internet browser search window. Some say it's about time that sexual harassment was done away with once and for all.

With the longest drawl full of irony, I say, "Right." But there is actually more to this.

In long ago days of yore, falling on a sword was not metaphorical. It was an honorable thing to do for another. A thing voluntarily chosen. A thing involving a long, sharp, pointed object that tended to kill when poked inside one's body by one's self. 

Today, Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commie (P-HWPCDLRSFC) men are being forced to fall on a sword whether they like it or not.

Matt Lauer and Garrison Keillor are the most current in this rush to judgment and need to "get it all out" so the P-HWPCDLRSFCs can get back to doing what they do best: Bashing anything not like them, and gutting the Constitution that protects and defends freedom on many levels.

As long as there are men and women, there will always be men asking to touch the goodies — and women saying hold yer horses there, big boy, sit up and beg for it.

And as long as there are women who are turned on by powerful men and who don't mind turning that process into a quid pro quo transaction, there will always be workplace hanky-panky. For goodness sake, isn't that what the celebrated TV series Mad Men and the badly written but highly popular 50 Shades of Grey all about?

Yes. They were.

And yes, real sexual harassment with real-life consequences of being fired, hurt, and killed are real. 

I was once fired when I said no to a manager where I worked. I immediately went to the owners of the grocery store business and complained. They chose to believe his ginned up evidence that I was a thief. There was nothing I could do except go out and get another job.

Once, while walking in the woods in a park when I was a girl of 12, a man who was definitely a predator attempted to make me his next victim. Long story how, but I got rid of him without backing down.

Not too long ago, a man forced me into my car making me have to fight him off.

And don't get me started on my step-father's real threats of violence and death to me and my mother and siblings if I didn't do as he asked, and you know what I mean by that.

So, I know real violence and real victims exist, and if anybody says I'm saying otherwise, they are a liar. However...

I believe there are many women out there who are confusing real predators who don't ask with eager hound dogs chasing the scent and begging pretty please.**

When I was a teen, two different bosses hit on me consistently. One responded to being ignored and gave up even as he almost cried saying, "But you've got such loooong legs."

The other I told, "My mother says you are a dirty-old man and to leave me alone." He laughed and every morning after that, he walked by, nodded, politely said good morning, and moved on.

When I was newly married, a huge customer of my (now ex) husband wanted to get in my panties. He was told no and he went away.

During parties and business functions, taking walks in the park, shopping for groceries, getting a hamburger at the drive-thru, going out dancing, and everywhere else you can imagine, I've been hit on by hound dogs.

No hard feelings from any of them. No threats to fire me or withhold business from the hubby.

Sad shakes of the head, sure. Winks and twinkles when they would next see me. Of course. But respectfully taking my no.

But why now all these P-HWPCDLRSFC men being outed all of a sudden? It's simple. 

The P-HWPCDLRSFC are trying to gain back control of a situation that has shed a harsh light into their dark places. Their brilliant idea is to force powerful P-HWPCDLRSFC men to fall on their swords and "take one for the team."

From this point forward they can say, "You know what, maybe we should have spoken up against Bills Clinton and Cosby et al, but damn it, it's not too late to prove we really do care for women. But more importantly, TRUMP SUCKS."

And notice the use of the phrase "inappropriate sexual behavior."

If that isn't a phrase totally designed to confuse and minimize, I don't know what is, especially among adults. What is inappropriate and harassing to one is awesome and welcome by another.

Even that phrase makes my point: P-HWPCDLRSFC cannot tell the difference and the reason they can't is because God and morals have been left out of the equation. "If it feels good, do it" became the mantra in the late 60s and anybody who didn't live by it was considered to be uptight or frigid.

Then came the laws against workplace sexual harassment and RadFems burning bras in public and then looking mean at the men who watched them.

You see how confusing it all is when there are no boundaries?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

* Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commie.

** Gosh, just search on the phrase "sexual predator" and look at the images that come up. Talk about not understanding the meaning and turning it into high comedy. 

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Hump Day Quickie: Outrage

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Cowboys and Indians and Posers

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Which is worse:

One: Claiming inclusion in a minority class, Native American Indian, by using granny's comments that high-cheekbones on an ancestor proves he was an Indian?

Or, two: That you are outraged for the dissing that minority class has taken because somebody is lying about their inclusion to steal the honor (and jobs) from members of that minority class?

In the world of the Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat RINO Liberal Socialist Fascist Commie, why the second one is worse, going so far as to say that the use of the name Pocahontas is a racial slur.

Earth to Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat RINO Liberal Socialist Fascist Commies!

Here is the actual quote where Donald Trump said the so-called fake slur word: 
So that was the ultimate statement from General Kelly, the importance. And I just want to thank you because you're very, very special people. You were here long before any of us were here, although we have a representative in Congress who, they say, was here a long time ago. They call her "Pocahontas."
See? Trump was not insulting the Code Talkers or, for that matter, any Native American Indian. He was honoring their heritage by politely pointing out that others do not honor it by their willingness to lie about their heritage, steal the thunder of another's heritage, and otherwise act like a poser. (See full video below. Quote in question starts at 11:50-ish.)

In fact, the entire brouhaha the Mainstream Media and Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat RINO Liberal Socialist Fascist Commie crowd have ginned up has itself taken away from the Code Talkers being honored. 

As far back as 2012, when it came to light that Harvard and several other highly respected universities had hired Elizabeth Warren so they could claim diversity without actually having to sully their hallowed halls with yet another member of a needy minority class, Mark Steyn said —
Alas, the actual original marriage license does not list Great-Great-Great-Gran’ma as Cherokee, but let’s cut Elizabeth Fauxcahontas Crockagawea Warren some slack here. She couldn’t be black. She would if she could, but she couldn’t. But she could be 1/32nd Cherokee, and maybe get invited to a luncheon with others of her kind – “people who are like I am,” 31/32nds white – and they can all sit around celebrating their diversity together. She is a testament to America’s melting pot, composite pot, composting pot, whatever. 

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Sunday Soliloquy: Camille Paglia, the anti-feminist feminist.

by Angela K. Durden

Internationally renowned American social critic Camille Paglia has been called ‘the anti-feminist feminist’. Describing contemporary feminism as a ‘gross betrayal of the radical principles of 1960s counterculture’, she stands firmly on the side of free speech and against political correctness. 

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Gutting the Constitution: The Myth of Net Neutrality.

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Remember all the Net Neutrality hype? 

Remember when former US President Obama started pushing the concept of a free and open Internet as if it weren't already free and open?

And you remember when the details of it were made known that it mostly amounted to another way for the government to control the Internet by controlling the companies providing connections to our homes?

And you remember Obama wanted to classify providers as Public Utility Companies?

And you remember how Google and other tech giants applauded the legislation and thought Obama was just the best thing since sliced bread?

Well, maybe you don't remember. But that's okay.

Because your Citizen Journalist is here to remind you of it. And why should she be reminding you of it now? Because Donald "The Hammer" Trump is getting ready to yet again rescind an Obama ruling.

This has given Mainstream Media opportunity to write articles bashing Trump, Tech Giants reason to worry, and many on Facebook and Twitter who have no clue to pass around links to online petitions to keep giving them free Internet.

When Obama classified broadband providers as utilities, he then put those under the control of Big Government. Clinton fell for the same thing when he signed into being the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, or DMCA, that was out of date and completely useless one day after it was signed.

I'm all for law and order, but many are useless because of the way they are worded. Think about it. The DMCA and Net Neutrality are just versions of the old laws that say silly things like —

"It is illegal to walk your crocodile without a leash along Main Street during a full moon while your ex-wife is visiting her mother to attend her father's funeral."

Alright, there is no law that goes that far, but there are laws about walking your crocodile, and the DMCA and Net Neutrality did write their rules over the top like that making them completely useless and punishing, so you get my drift.

You might be asking, "Yes, Angela, but we want to be able to keep the Internet free and open to all. What if a website wants to be on the Internet but the broadband company says they can't be on it? I mean, really, Angela, isn't that just wrong?"

Maybe. Maybe not.

What does one mean by free?

Free, as in the right to publish what one wants? Or free, as in not paying for it? The first already has the Constitution governing that freedom. The latter is pie-in-the-sky thinking as nothing comes with no cost.

The US Government and Tech Giants are working hand-in-hand to limit Constitutional-guaranteed freedoms. Net Neutrality is simply another way they are doing it.

By controlling the companies who bring connections to your house, the government has put themselves in control of your Internet access. That means, politicians can shut it down whenever they want to.

Tech Giants, playing the victim here, push messaging such as this one from Google, a message that many other tech giants agree with:

“Our values remain the same: The Internet should be competitive and open. That means no Internet access provider should block or degrade Internet traffic, nor should they sell ‘fast lanes’ that prioritize particular Internet services over others. These rules should apply regardless of whether you’re accessing the Internet using a cable connection, a wireless service, or any other technology.”

Let's break down this self-serving statement, shall we?

What companies are the worst offenders when it comes to selling "'fast lanes' that prioritize particular Internet services"?

First on the list would be Goo-Goo-Goo...that's right. You've almost got the whole word out of your mouth. That company has formed a parent company called Alphabet that is working even harder behind the scenes to control what you see and when you see it.

How about Fakebook, as many popularly call that social media giant these days? Or Twitter or any of those other social media platforms you like so well?

Yes, they too control access within their silos and try their damnedest to keep you on their site by making big promises of your ability to freely sharing information — then breaking each one and every one once they've got you hooked.

Does Twitter's shadow banning sound familiar?

Or how about Facebook limiting how many friends you can have, how many can see your posts in their feed, or severely limiting how many friends you can tell about events you're putting on?

Or Google's pushing of meaningless HTTPS certifications on all websites no matter what? Or not allowing AdWords to be used by a company working hard to protect intellectual property rights? Or favoring certain news sources to always show up in searches and all other news sources to show up on page 134,567.

You're access to the Internet has always been controlled.

Nothing is free. There is a cost to building the infrastructure. Do you know there are people who do not know that the Internet comes through a wire to their house? They think because they have Wi-fi that somehow those bits and bytes magically appear. They think that satellite magically delivers it.

Hello! Everything is hard-wired somewhere. Satellite dishes in yards pick up signals and the wire brings it inside your house to a piece of hardware that connects to your computer and/or phone.

And you pay monthly for having the convenience of that service delivered to your home. Stop paying the bill and you stop getting the service.

For Tech Giants to act like their growth was not and is not dependent on you paying your monthly bill for access to the Internet is just stupid.

But even Tech Giants are seeing the writing on the wall. 

Why else does Goo-Goo-Goo spend massive amounts of money to make robo calls and send snail mail to small businesses about advertising with them? Just remember what this is all about: Keeping you from freedom.