How to keep kids busy during this mini-apocalypse.

TMBWITW*** and MMSW****.

by Angela K. Durden

A Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World 

Citizen Journalist.  Novelist. Author of other stuff. 

Business writer.  Songwriter.  

Are your kids home for several weeks while Coronavirus runs amuck? Don't know what to do? Let The Most Brilliant Woman In The World and a Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman help you out.

I recognize that P-HWPCDLRSFCs* and purveyors of FLOTSAM** could very well have some issues with this list and maybe will accuse me of "not caring" and "child labor laws breaking". I can assure you that I, TMBWITW*** and a MMSW****, ain't skeert of those opinions and thazzafact! [See Footnote]

So, let's get to it.

First thing one must do is not to feel out of control. I recognize that this is probably the first time in many years that you will have your child home for any length of time without having planned activities to send them to where others will teach, entertain, and inspire your little rug rat, or lil' squirt if you prefer, and you only must remind to brush teeth and go to bed.

Buck up! You will get through this with the handy-dandy tips from TMBWITW and MMSW.  

1. Make a Domestic Engineering List to include:
• Sweeping
• Vacuuming
• Toilet scrubbing
• Tub scrubbing
• Dusting
• Bed making
• Laundry folding
• Pet exercising
• Pet feeding
2. Disconnect the Internet. [Trust me on this.]
3. Disconnect the cable. [Trust me on this one, too.]
4. Unplug microwave. Better yet, put it in your trunk. [You'll thank me later.]
5. Stack books around.
• Encourage the making of their own play based on scenes from the books.
6. Provide simple foodstuffs that do not need heat to prepare.
• Let them peel boiled eggs and add mayo and salt and pepper and mash them all together and spread on bread
7. Schoolwork must be done, of course. 
8. Cook a meal together.
9. Teach them how to prepare a grocery shopping list.
10. Shop for groceries together.
11. Break the grocery shopping list up into segments to equal how many children you have who could possibly navigate grocery store aisles and read a list.
• Assign to those children. Sit on a bench at the front of the store with a book and be there to answer any questions they may have.
12. Let them put up the groceries. 
13. Be sure to explain the entire scientific methodology of and reasoning behind storage of shelf-stable foodstuffs versus that which needs refrigeration.
14. Be sure to explain all of that in great detail.
15. Share stories with the next generation about how tough your childhood was. Don't forget the snow drifts, tiny coat, and hills that went up way far both to and from school.

Well, I have more, but I realize that this list will probably be a strain on you. Once mastered, please feel free to ask for more apocalyptic hints and tips. 

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* P-HWPCDLRSFC: Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies

** FLOTSAM: For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters
*** TMBWITW The Most Brilliant Woman In The World
**** MMSW Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman

FOOTNOTE: "Ain't skeert and thazzafact!" is the Southern way of saying "Truly and really, your P. C. outbursts do not scare me in the least and you can take that to the bank and deposit it."