Fooled Ya: The Passive-Aggressive Evil of Corporations

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

Let me tell you what I remember about trying to open one of these cans. I remember feeling proud of myself when I pulled out the full spoon and didn't spill any. I also remember sneaking into the kitchen, filling up a big metal spoon, and eating dry that Nestlé Quik sweet chocolaty nectar of the gods.

Oh, man. It melted in my mouth. All that sugar. The memories are fantastic. However...

...when I was in second grade and was a mere child of eight, I learned the hard way about the passive-aggressive evil of corporations. Oh, I could not name it as such at that moment because I was, after all, a mere child. But I named it later with the help of a therapist. It took years of talking it through before we got to the real reason I have a love-hate (or is it love/hate?) relationship with food.

You see, Eight-Years-Old B.T.B.L.* , food was my friend.

True, there was The Great Avocado Incident when I was four and threw a mighty temper tantrum as I fought not to be fed this horrible green stuff that turned out to be quite nice and of which I've been a fan ever since.

And, yes, you will recall The Great Jalapeno Pepper Incident when I was five, but that was all my fault and did not involve any corporations, though it did involve another temper tantrum, this time as I demanded to eat another green thing that I mistook for a sweet avocado and during which my step-father said to my mother who was pleading for leniency toward me, "I'm gonna let her eat the damn thing and let her learn a damn lesson."

And which lesson I learned immediately. While thrashing about the floor in fear of my mortal soul dying I was nevertheless dispassionately watching myself from a corner of the ceiling and saying, "Hmmmm...so he wasn't lying when he said that was not an avocado. Got it." And from that point forward I have never confused the two.

Dear Reader, I know you are saying to yourself, "What has The Avocado Incident and The Great Jalapeno Pepper Incident got to do with corporations and whether or not they are evil and/or passive aggressive?"

They don't have anything to do with it. But just hold yer horses, there. Imma fixin' to tell ya the rest of the story. Sheesh. You can't even let a girl have a little side trip in her story?

So, anyway, Eight-Years-Old B.T.B.L., corporation-provided food was my friend. But A.B.T.L.*, not so much. Here's how that happened.

There I was. Sneaking into the kitchen again. Looking forward to a big ol' dry spoonful of that sweet chocolaty nectar of the gods when I said to myself, "Hmmmm...this looks even darker and more wonderful. Oh, oh, oh, I cannot wait to eat this."

Into my mouth popped the biggest spoonful ever of this —

You see how I could mistake the two cans? Same type of lid. Same size. Now, I was not a stupid child. Everybody knew Nestlé and Hershey's are both chocolate and I knew it, too.

Of course I choked on it. Coughed it out of my lungs all over the kitchen counter, chair I was standing on, floor, my clothes. Dark cocoa powder hung in the air floating over to the kitchen table, mingling in my hair, clinging to curtains. I was gagging thinking this sh** would never get out of my lungs and what evil is this that has been wrought upon me? And I was furious to boot when in walks Mother who proceeds to die laughing.

She's in on the plot!

Of course, I later learned that in therapy, too.



*B.T.B.L.: Before The Big Lie
*A.T.B.L.: After The Big Lie