Atomic Charge Wallet holds everything you own.

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.

One morning recently, flipping around looking for a no-spin-zone on current events and being unsuccessful, I again happened upon a commercial for The Atomic Charge Wallet.

But on this morning I must have had on my Citizen Journalist hat. For those who do not know, the hat has a built-in BS meter, and on this particular morning the hat got busy prodding me to pay attention.

The voice over guy said, "The Atomic Charge Wallet holds everything you own."

Whoa. Hold yer horses. Get out of town. What the hay-hay? Everything? Man, that's great. Now I can really downsize. Of course, it will put out of business all the storage facilities in the world that take up massive amounts of ground. That will lessen the tax base which will mean New York and New Jersey will now have a good reason they cannot fix their potholes. See? They can say, "Look, if the Atomic Charge Wallet would only give up their market share of storage space, then we could fix these potholes."

Doing my job properly as your Citizen Journalist, of course I went to their website to see if that messaging was repeated. I could not find it there, but there were two more patently fake promises, making a total of three.

The first promise — that wallet can hold everything I own — let us know that, obviously, this is a wallet that should be sold to tiny people living in a locker somewhere visited occasionally by men in black. So let's forget that one and call it what it is: Written by an idiot who didn't think.

But the second one can't be true. I mean, do they realize how many pictures and credit cards people have? I know the economy is still tough for folks, but more and more, as we move back to being a cash-based society, still the amount of cash people are squirreling away is huge. It can't fit into that little wallet along with everything else.

And the third promise is clear that this wallet can — not might, not may, not probably — can withstand the toughest drops and shocks. Not some of the toughest, not a few of the toughest. No. It said the toughest drops and shocks.

I've got a Smith & Wesson Bodyguard .380 that will say otherwise, and it's doesn't even have the toughest shock that can be delivered.

The lawsuits are coming, Atomic Charger Wallet people. You need to hire a real writer who can help you avoid them. And by "real writer" I mean one who understands the fine points of words. Call me. 404.358.0951. I'll hook you up with the law-suit avoiding language.