CNN has seen double-digit growth in viewership (see Variety). Doh!
Then again, is that double-digit growth for real? It is no secret that the Nielsen system for ratings has been under fire for a long time. Throw fast technology changes into the mix and you can begin to see why AdAge says:
"...by the time Nielsen develops, tests and deploys ways to measure viewing on an emerging platforms, consumers are now likely to have moved on yet again."
The new wrinkle in this ratings war? The networks are gaming Nielsen's ratings systems. In other words, the fox is being allowed to watch the henhouse. (See this Verge article, this other AdAge article, and this Cinemablend article about the deliberate misspellings of show names in self-reporting.) Doh!
Given the deliberate gaming going on, Variety's breathless headline about CNN's viewership growth is more than a little bit suspect.
You know what? Let me rewrite the above sentence to reflect reality. I shall now quote myself, only more bluntly, which technically would make it a paraphrase:
"Since the networks are deliberately misspelling the names of their own shows, and since Nielsen is allowing these same networks to self-report, I find it more than disconcerting that Variety — a Penske Media company — would allow such reports in that industry rag...errrrr...I mean mag...azine."
All this to say that I do not believe current reports about CNN's double-digit viewership growth.
What's a beleaguered advertising buyer have to do these days in order to have confidence in their messaging portals and get a decent ROI?
Doh! That had to hurt.
I have a suggestion. Hire me. I will be happy to become CNN's new on air talent that could go head-to-head against Nick at Nite by singing children's ditties.
I've been told that sex sells and since I don't think anybody on cable or network news understands what real sex is, heck, I could put on my Jazz Singer outfit and sing a torch version of PufferBillies that would never once tick off the censors by using innuendo, double entendre, and perfectly timed raises of eyebrows that would keep viewers coming back for more. Oh, yeah.
Down at the stationEarly this morning A puffer billy was lined up ready to go. My little station master Twisted his little handle Puff, puff! And toot, toot! Off we go. Down at the station Early this morning See his shiny choo-choo begging to blow. Waitin' to get hitched up, Go on our adventure. Chug, chug. Puff, puff. Off we go. Down at the station Early this morning. Climb aboard, And make my whistle blow. Mr. Conductor, please punch my ticket. Puff, puff! And toot, toot! Off, off, off we go.
In Torch Singer mode, I could take Crunk News Network's ratings straight through the roof. Rachel Maddow and her smug smirk could not keep up.
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