Warehouse Shopper Clubs: The New Food Nazis?

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Today, this longtime Costco Club member was at her local warehouse. A Saturday at a Costco means a day full of food samples generously handed out to any and all who walk by. 

Thimblesful of pasta bean salad? Sample!
Triangles of waffles with whipped cream? Sample!
Tiny cups of coffee? Sample!
Chewy this, salty that, crunchy other? Sample!
Ice cream? Sample!

While the woman dished, she did the sales pitch. 

"This is Brio. Made with calcium-rich, organic whole milk and real wholesome ingredients. Brio has 50% less fat and 40% fewer calories. Creamy, organic whole milk. Protein. Probiotics. Omegas. And it has a lot of fiber. You can find it behind door number three."

Ice cream and fiber? Probiotics? Why, oh why do progressives have to mess with my ice cream and make it healthy? I'm getting off track. Let me get back to the point of this story.

When I arrived at the table, no others waited for their tiny scoop; that is, I was alone with the server woman. I waited for her to dish it up and by the time she finished with her sales pitch and had four paper cups with a quarter scoop and a spoon in each, parents with wide-eyed children had surrounded me. 

Two of the little ones simply jumped in and grabbed their share and took off while their Mom said nothing about breaking in line. The remaining two children stood next to me with polite restraint. 

Well, what am I? A bitchy old woman who is gonna take ice cream from polite kiddies? No, I am not. I picked up the two remaining cups and, without moving my feet, simply rotated myself at the waist, bent slightly, stretched out my arms, and handed the ice cream to the little ones.

The parents smiled. The kids almost fainted with joy and turned their attention to cups and spoons. Shoveling soon commenced and by soon I mean within one second. 

All this sounds awesome, doesn't it? A warm moment of human interaction providing the glue of polite and happy social noshing between generations and amongst strangers. 

What was not to like? I turned to the server woman and said, "Always good to see little kids enjoying ice cream. I can wait my turn."

This is when it got weird. The server's face turned hard, her body coiled in strike-readiness, her eyes went cold, her voice sent chills down my spine when she said, "These are not your children?"

Actually, how she said it was this: "These. Are. NOT. Your children?"

I replied that, indeed, they were not my children.

She said, "Well, according to Costco, I must take these samples from the children and throw them away."

The parents and I simply stared at her as we tried to figure out what in the hell she meant. But the kiddies, seeing their prize about to be taken, shoveled faster. 

The woman then proceeded to berate me and tell me it was against the rules for any member to hand food to children not their own.

She went on and on about how unsafe it was for the little kiddies. I said, "Well, looks like it's a little too late to do anything about it now." Both cups were empty. 

Oh, Angie, Angie, Angie. You should've just shut up and waited for your sample. This set the woman off and (as she is filling four new cups) she is giving me what-for and blaming it all on Costco who, she said, has trained them well to watch out for perverts trying to assault kids. 

Okay. I admit she didn't say "watch out for perverts" or "trying to assault kids" in those words exactly. But she may as well.

I'm being treated like a criminal, the parents are trying to tell the woman that I had turned to them and they had nodded acceptance of my handing their kids the treat, and frankly, with my little cup of healthy ice cream in hand, I'm not feeling the love for the product. I take my cup, push my loaded cart, and move to the next aisle. 

I hear mild laughing behind me.  The parents come up behind me and the father whispers, where his whole family can hear, "Oh, oh, oh! I'm gonna have to report you for being nice to kids!" We all got a good laugh. 

I said, "Quick, get your phone and photograph me trying to subvert minors!"

More good laughter. They then said, "We appreciate your kindness." The kids nodded, too. I said thank you. And we all went our merry way.

But I wasn't so merry. And here it is five hours later and I'm still fuming. 

If the server is correct in her understanding and this is Costco's policy, then Costco is simply doing legal CYA and they are getting their outside vendors to be the brownshirts or the Sturmabteilung, bringing in the new law of the land, namely: 

Legal CYA does not make customers happy. 

Legal CYA is even worse when translated through the mind of a woman with obvious anger issues, delusions of grandeur, and who is attempting to grab power.

Legal CYA should never come between neighbors and their ice cream. 

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To read more from Angela Durden, 

visit her site here.