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| At it again...all for you. |
The Most Brilliant Woman in the World
Business writer. Songwriter. Protecting creator's copyrights.
How can they wipe their boohiney, blow their nose, change a tire, clean their car, make use of life-saving medical procedures, and a host of other things I know all these folks do?
The cashier helpfully pointed and asked, "Paper or plastic?"
"Paper or plastic what?" I replied as I turned attention from my children who were about to kick each other's asses in the grocery checkout.
She pointed again. "Bags. Paper or plastic?"
"Plastic!" I cried out in joy because these bags were the same size as my little trashcans around the house and all I could think was, "Ha! Saving money."
And for the next thirty years I was not asked that question until I moved to Decatur, Georgia, a place one cannot turn around in twice without bumping against a P-HWPCDLRSFC*.
Now when I get asked paper or plastic, I know where I better say paper, or else, brethren, the environmental gods will rain disapproval down upon my head.
Ah, what a difference three decades can make. A complete 180° turn and yet the piousness has not left the room.
To bring you up to date, you might want to read what I wrote HERE about the recent plastic straw ban in Santa Barbara. But do you see the problem? Everybody used to use paper straws, then plastic came in because they lasted longer, were sturdier, and so forth and for seven decades made the tree huggers happy because it SAVED TREES. Now the tides they be a-turning.
However, the real reason for this column is that I have to ask the P-HWPCDLRSFC* how it is they can recommend, or force use of by law, of anything?
If they use paper products, a TREE DIES!
If they use metal products, the SKY DIES!
If they use leather, a precious COW DIES!
If they use plastic products, the EARTH DIES!
If they use electricity, the CLIMATE DIES!
If they use gas, the EARTH, PUPPIES, AND SMALL CHILDREN DIE!
How can they wipe their boohiney, blow their nose, change a tire, clean their car, make use of life-saving medical procedures, and a host of other things I know all these folks do?
What does the current Santa Barbara plastic straw ban tell us? It tells us that there is more than one kind of environmental wa-...errrr...I mean — you know, I'm just gonna say it — wackjob, and that they are all shortsighted hypocrites.
We should soon be seeing Pro-Paper P-HWPCDLRSFC* marching against Pro-Metal P-HWPCDLRSFC*. Oh, the fun. I can see it now.
Both sides show up in the same uniform — pussy hats and "Execute Trump!" signs — and they stand around hurling insults at the sky because they can't tell who is for paper straws and which is for metal.
Hmmmm...maybe not so much fun after all...unless the Pro-Leather doms and dommettes show up.
But I bet #CrunkNewsNetwork will manage to turn the pussy-hat fest into a cause célèbre what with their great ability to use misleading figures and tight camera shots and their willingness to have a stand-up reporter have a hand in making up fake news.
Both sides show up in the same uniform — pussy hats and "Execute Trump!" signs — and they stand around hurling insults at the sky because they can't tell who is for paper straws and which is for metal.
Hmmmm...maybe not so much fun after all...unless the Pro-Leather doms and dommettes show up.
But I bet #CrunkNewsNetwork will manage to turn the pussy-hat fest into a cause célèbre what with their great ability to use misleading figures and tight camera shots and their willingness to have a stand-up reporter have a hand in making up fake news.
* P-HWPCDLRSFC is Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Democrat Liberal RINO Socialist Fascist Commies
** FLOTSAM means For Liberal Opinion That is Serious and Actually Matters
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