Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.
As longtime readers know, Angela is a songwriter and, of late, turning into a singer who performs in front of total strangers who actually smile at and clap for her without getting paid to do so. This has been a hoot, but that is not what this column is about though it is connected.
This column is about OODA Loops. In military parlance, an OODA Loop is a quick succession of thought and action that defines the decision cycle when under fire. OODA stands for: Observe. Orient. Decide. Act.
Specifically, this column is about OODA Loops as they are deployed in a Jazz musician's decision cycle. That is to say, how he will choose to whom he shall give it good to tonight.
There are several reasons Angela rarely wears dresses anymore. The main reason is that when Angela puts her gams on display, men tend to stutter and their eyes glaze over and they can't walk straight. Yes, Angela knows her legs should be insured for a million dollars, but Angela cannot afford the premium.
Actually, Angela does not like her legs, has no clue why men react like that, and tends to thinks her gams are not so pretty. So, while Angela's ego sure does like men's reactions to them, Angela gets tired of not having conversations with men so she wears pants.
Back to the OODA Loop of the Jazz musician.
Anyway, Angela was going to be singing her new song Crying Puddles and, given the topic of the song, thought it would be appropriate to wear a dress that night to fit into the song and so Angela did, adding to that outfit hose and heels.
Waiting her turn to go onstage, Angela was sitting at the back bar at the venue when who walks by but "Frank", not his real name.
"Frank" is a very well known Jazz musician who plays piano and drums. Angela has never been interested in "Frank" and "Frank" has always sensed that fact, if not flat out known, and so has never tried to put the moves on Angela for which she is extremely grateful.
But "Frank" has always only seen Angela in pants. That is to say, he has never seen a display of her gams and so on this night, with Angela sitting at the bar on a tall chair and her legs crossed prettily, encased in suntan hose thus accentuating the positives even more, "Frank" walked by.
And there, in front of God and everybody, "Frank" perfectly executed a two-second OODA loop. Here's how that happened.
Observed: "Frank" saw a pair of legs he liked.
Oriented: "Frank" immediately turned and headed toward the legs.
Decided: "Frank" looked up to see who owned the legs, saw Angela, and said to himself, "Oh, hell no."
Acted: "Frank" immediately turned and walked away.
Perfect execution of a Jazz Musician's OODA Loop. Angela admired it so much that she immediately laughed out loud. Nobody knew why Angela was laughing. But, you see, Angela knew what she was seeing and happily said to herself, "Column material!" She can't make this stuff up, y'all. She is a Citizen Reporter after all.
Practice makes perfect.
Let's be clear: "Frank" and Angela like each other perfectly fine as colleagues, so conversation between the two happen often enough. Six years ago, "Frank" once bragged to Angela that he sure gets lots of the good stuff because he is a touring Jazz musician. That bored Angela. "Frank" understood immediately and never brought it up again.
He is not a stupid man. Nor is he slow.
In any case, "Frank" has had many years to practice his OODA Loop technique and boy-oh-boy has it ever been perfected. But these days, "Frank" is in a bit of a quandary. One night here recently he was frank with Angela about his growing dissatisfaction with offers from firm-fleshed young women.
He said, "Angela, as you well know, I get offered the good stuff all the time. But now, when these young women offer to do me, well, I just shudder. They are so...so...boring."
"Frank" just turned fifty years old. It's one thing to say "I'm forty-nine." It is quite another to say, "I'm fifty."
Yes, Angela can sympathize with him.
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