Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.
I own a one-and-one condo in a small community. We are so small we have only one dumpster. This dumpster is at the very back of the community which has not stopped total strangers from sneaking in during the middle of the night and quickly dumping their old damn sofas and dishwashers.
Right now you're asking yourself, "What in the hell? What has dumpster misuse got to do with getting excellent advice on dating? Why, oh why, does Miss Angela always have to take the long way 'round?"
Whoa there, big boy. I sure hope you aren't a wham-bam-see-ya-later kind of man. I mean, if you're already rushing Miss Angela to get to the point then let Miss Angela give you the first bit of advice.
Miss Angela's First Bit of Advice by way of Conway Twitty
Granted, quickies have their place and there ain't no denying it. But honey, please understand you must not jump out of the gate with that mindset. Women like the long game and I mean that with every bit of double entendre you can imagine. Learn to play that long game properly and then and only then will quickies pack the punch for everybody involved.
Just ask Conway. I mean, the man knows, right?
Which brings us to Miss Angela's second bit of advice and which will nicely tie up the dumpster story.
Stop torturing the women.
So somebody snuck in again and donated yet another damn sofa and dishwasher to our community and Miss Angela said, "I'm sick of busting up sofas. I shall tell the management company to send somebody out here to haul this sh*t off because Miss Angela ain't being paid for doing this, damn it."
And so Miss Angela did, and the management company sent out "Jerry", not his real name. Miss Angela promises that is not his real name because Miss Angela would never publicly humiliate a man using his real name. She will always give him an alias before she delivers said humiliation because Miss Angela is a lady and a gentlewoman though she has been called a ball-busting bitch, but that title simply says more about the man than her.
Anyway, "Jerry" shows up and Miss Angela goes out to oversee the project because, after all, Miss Angela is picky about how her condo association's money gets spent and she wants to make sure this "Jerry" fellow gets it done proper without wasting any of her money.
"Jerry" is properly impressed with Miss Angela's performance in helping and overseeing the removal of the junk. That is to say, he was not too put off with her bossi-...errrr...eager helpfulness. Miss Angela knows this because "Jerry" gets that twinkle of interest in his eyes and begins to dig for information.
Jerry: Sooo, now, Mizz Angela, why isn't your husband out here helping you with this project? [You will notice the use of the married Mizz to denote that he really, really, really wants her to believe that he believes she is married, and that he is not, in point of fact, attempting to woo her.]
Miss Angela [thinking Jerry is cute and wanting to give him an opportunity to get to the point]: I don't have a husband.
Jerry [Ding! Ding! Ding!]: Then why isn't your boyfriend helping you?
Miss Angela: I don't have a boyfriend.
[Ring-a-ding-ding! Feeling quite happy he has gotten the information he wanted, that is, Miss Angela is ripe for the plucking, he proceeds to drag the process out even more]
Jerry: Well, why in the hell not?
Miss Angela: Why in the hell not what?
Jerry: Why in the hell don't they ask to be your boyfriend?
Miss Angela: Because they are skeert.
Miss Angela then proceeds to walk away as Jerry hollers after her: Well, they are just stupid.
Miss Angela: [Laughing and walking.]
Jerry: [Blinking. Thinking. Not coming up with anything. And now Miss Angela is gone.]
See? Torture. Which brings us to the last bit of advice.
If you want to know something specific, just ask.
The above conversation is not unique to "Jerry" as Miss Angela has had this exact same conversation a minimum of 279 times since she got divorced and with each and every one Miss Angela wants to scream and say, "Why don't you just ask if Miss Angela wants to go out and have a meal and a chat?"
See? Boom. The answer would be "Sure, but I don't want a full-time boyfriend" and the man could then have the option of setting up a date and time or walking away. In each case, everybody could get on with their lives and Miss Angela would not be tortured and can get back to doing what Miss Angela does without worrying about some poor fellow's ego.
Time savings, people. We aren't getting any younger, you know. It's not like this is a brand new process in the history of men and women.
Bonus final thoughts from Miss Angela.
Miss Angela wants you to know that she does not hate men. But just as water finds its own level, she feels the men's responses — and even their lack of response, follow thru, and follow up — is a vetting process in and of itself. That is, most men take themselves out of the running and Miss Angela doesn't have to do anything at all but stand there and look pretty.
So, maybe Miss Angela's Most-Excellent Old-Fashioned Yet Modern Advice for Men on Asking a Woman for a Date isn't so good after all. Maybe everything is working just fine.
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