Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.
You might infer this article will be about Hillary Clinton. It isn't, but I shall use her to setup the story that will follow. Which story, by the by, will be all about the real Most Brilliant Woman in the World — Me!
For some years, Ol' Hill's shills and dupes have spread the rumor that she is the smartest woman in whatever room she appears if not the entire whole, big, wide world. This article appeared last May which quotes Amie Parnes as saying:
"[Hillary] could do anything. She's one of the smartest people – she will always be the smartest woman in the room, I think."Notice the phrase "I think" at the end of that quote? Is Amie hedging her bet? Giving herself an out in case another woman proves to be smarter?
Still, for these folks who insist that men and woman are the same and that to use gender-specific titling is wrong, racist, prejudicial, inflammatory, sexist, violent, and demeaning to women, notice how Amie said Ol' Hill will "always be the smartest woman" in the room yet did not specify which type of woman?
In fact, what everybody says — smartest woman — implies some other gender could be smarter should they find themselves in the same room as Ol' Hill. For your edification, here is a list of 58 other genders which could be smarter than the losing presidential candidate of 2016.***
This list does not cause any problem for Ol' Hill because access to any room she is in is tightly regulated by gun-toting bodyguards who aren't about to let in anybody who hasn't been vetted as having a lower IQ than her.
Now to the story about the real "most brilliant" woman in the world — Me!
Yes. It is true. I am not lying and have it on good authority. Here's how it came to be that I found out how smart I am.
Because of my deep connections in the publishing world, I managed to lay hands [Linda, that was me who went through your purse] on a ticket to the last VIP party blowout on the lawn between the bandstand and the Old Historic Courthouse.
Booze flowed like wine and the line snaked long for food prepared by a celebrity chef. A young female DJ who thought everybody over 25 was old, played music that had most of the crowd yawning. Yes, the DJ was ready to call it a night and get to her next gig.
But she did not count on the crowd. You see, authors have a high tolerance for pain, especially after getting drunk. So the worse the music got, the more these writers, agents, and publishers said, "We'll show her who's boss!"
They began to do crazy things like acting out bullfighting, spanking each other on the dance floor, shaking boobies and booties, ripping clothes off each other, and lasciviously licking their King of Pops while hollering "Dry Clean Only!", and so forth.
It was cray-cray, I tell ya. I'm still reeling from the overall debauchery rocking that kasbah.
Anyway, back to what this story is all about: ME!
After about ninety minutes, Linda and I were finally able to make it to the food table where I filled my plate with two build-yer-own celebrity-chef tacos (soft corn or flour tortilla shells choices!) We made our way to a table where other non-hoi polloi were sitting and proceeded to eat.
Next to me was a man who took all of ten seconds to zero in on the fact that he was sitting next to the Most Brilliant Woman in the World and he proceeded to take advantage of the knowledge possessed within my noggin and began peppering me with all sorts of questions.
I make it a habit to practice humility where I can, so I won't bore you with all the details and reasons as to why he was convinced I was the Most Brilliant Woman in the World.
Suffice it to say that by the time he got through trying to prove to the Most Brilliant Woman in the World how smart he was (he just wrote an E-book setting himself up as a guru to working stiffs with dreams of making money), he was able to discover all the holes in his theory.
Can you say "market research done, rewrite coming forthwith"? That's right. Look how much time and effort I saved him and it only took me thirty minutes.
Seven times this man dubbed me the Most Brilliant Woman in the World and seven times I agreed with him.
His parting words to me were: "You are THE Most Brilliant Woman IN THE WORLD, Ash…errrr… Angelaaaaa. Let's chat further. Say, do you have a husband or boyfriend or significant other?"
Ah, now we know what he's selling: His services. Or he's looking for a nurse or a purse.
Linda later told me that the fellow offered to fetch her a glass of wine and she said, "I know you. You were sitting next to my friend at the table."
He says, "AaaazzzRITE! Ang-Ashlee-La-lala. Ya know… she's the Most Brilliant Woman In. The. WORLD."
*** In case you don't want to click the link in the article above, here's the list of 58 gender options as identified by gender specialist All-Bull-and-Crunked News. Please note that neither male nor female appear on this list unless you lump those in under Other.
- Agender
- Androgyne
- Androgynous
- Bigender
- Cis
- Cisgender
- Cis Female
- Cis Male
- Cis Man
- Cis Woman
- Cisgender Female
- Cisgender Male
- Cisgender Man
- Cisgender Woman
- Female to Male
- FTM
- Gender Fluid
- Gender Nonconforming
- Gender Questioning
- Gender Variant
- Genderqueer
- Intersex
- Male to Female
- MTF
- Neither
- Neutrois
- Non-binary
- Other
- Pangender
- Trans
- Trans*
- Trans Female
- Trans* Female
- Trans Male
- Trans* Male
- Trans Man
- Trans* Man
- Trans Person
- Trans* Person
- Trans Woman
- Trans* Woman
- Transfeminine
- Transgender
- Transgender Female
- Transgender Male
- Transgender Man
- Transgender Person
- Transgender Woman
- Transmasculine
- Transsexual
- Transsexual Female
- Transsexual Male
- Transsexual Man
- Transsexual Person
- Transsexual Woman
- Two-Spirit
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