A shredder, a stoner, a rocker, and an actor walk into a bar.

by Angela K. Durden
Technology inventor protecting creator's copyrights. Business writer, novelist, songwriter, and Citizen Journalist.


A guitar-shredding/Constitution-loving showman, a pretty-boy/easily-manipulated actor, a whiny-butt/politically-correct stoner, and a rocker-chick/better-man-than-most lesbian walk into a bar.

That is the beginning of a joke that will have to be finished by a comedian much wittier than I. All I saw was a few connections. Let me explain that process.

It began thusly

I was reading a story in USA Today about Ted "Shredder" Nugent (the guitar shredder) and David "Stoner" Crosby (the whiny-butt stoner) and the aforementioned's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Seems Stoner doesn't want Shredder in because Shredder isn't PC enough for Stoner. Shredder hides his real reason by saying that Shredder's music sucks, but we all know what he really means.

That's right! Shredder supports the Constitution and won't back down on supporting individual rights including the right to bear arms so that the Gubment can't get the big head and turn folks into serfs and slaves serving a Fasci-Socialist Oligarchy, while Stoner does everything in his power to do just the opposite.

When you think of Stoner, what's the first thing that pops into your mind? The first thing popped into my mind? "Hey, wasn't he the guy that donated sperm so that Melissa Etheridge could have two children by way of artificial insemination with her partner Julie Cypher?"

(Actually what I thought was, "Hey, isn't Crosby the guy who got that rocker-chick lesbo preggers?" But I'm not going to put that in this column because that could be "inflammatory" and I don't want to be inflammatory.)

Two articles quickly revealed themselves in an online research on that massive portal of oft-stolen, copyright-infringed, PC-curated information called Google/Alphabet.

One about why Etheridge rejected Brad Pitt's* wigglers in favor of Crosby's.

And the other gushing about how it was Crosby's wife who volunteered his wigglers so that this couple — who as a unit were biologically incapable of reproducing themselves — could at least have a couple of kids to add to their politically-correct lifestyle.

Some have implied that the Crosby-Cypher insemination was a diabolical marketing ploy used to get lots of column inches and big headlines they didn't have to pay for. Personally, I believe free column inches was simply a happy result and not at all intended. Anyway —

All that got me to thinking and LALOTI**

Yes, it got me to thinking about...well...I'm not sure except that I did come up with the beginning of a joke and that's about it. Then I looked at more of the online feud here and got a screenshot.

Frankly, I'm shocked that Twitter has not banned Stoner for his use of the a**hole word since that can be construed as hate speech and we know that Twitter is all about not allowing hate speech unless you belong to any terrorist group with roots or ties to the Middle East, but that's another column for another time.

Reading the comments about Shredder on Stoner's Twitter timeline made me LALOTI**, but the more I scrolled the more I began to gag to the point I was no longer LALOTI'ing.

The thing is, I don't like Shredder or Stoner's music. I mean, other than Shredder's Cat Scratch Fever and Stoner's...hmmm...what did he sing?

I had to look up Stoner's top ten songs. I did not recognize any of them even of the ones he was in with The Byrds. The only one of Shredder's I recognized was Cat Scratch Fever. Should you want to hear that, I shall post it and one other of Shredder's songs separately on ROTW for another later day.

Whatever

I don't own any music by either of them nor will I ever go to their concerts. But I do like Shredder more than I've ever liked Stoner because the former stands up for the rights of others and the latter only pretends to do so.

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*After leaving his wife who didn't want children for a woman who did, Brad Pitt finally got a couple of housefuls of them. Of course, that woman who so desperately wanted to be a mother is a bit — how shall we say this so we don't get sued? I know. Here's the rewrite:

Could one describe Brad Pitt's choice of a mother for his soon-to-be-collected-from-around-the-world children as flaky? (There. Lawsuit averted.)

**LALOTI is the newest acronymed shorthand for a state of humor that does not reach LOL status. LALOTI stands for "Laughing a Little on the Inside." This phrase was invented by a friend of mine, Melanie S—, who is extremely left wing and proud of it and we pretty much disagree on everything except music. Still, she came up with a good acronym and I want to give credit where credit is due.