Georgia's Handel wins by 4%. DPS, Hollywood, Ossoff stunned.

by Angela K. Durden 

After running a campaign where "Pretty Boy Jon" Ossoff said the main reason Karen "Pearls" Handel was unfit to hold office was because she spent way too much money on office chairs, the Democratic Progressive Socialist (DPS) candidate for Georgia's 6th Congressional District spent over $23 million to Republican Handel's $4.5 million.

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Still Ossoff lost 52% to 48%; a 3% higher margin than when "The Hammer" beat "Hill the Pill" in the same district a mere eight months ago raising hopes of DPSes across the nation. CNN rightly called this the "most expensive House race in history." 

Before it was over, Georgia was sick of all the campaign ads on both sides. Of course, Georgia businesses were happy to have the money spent here. But was it? Sure, some, like for food and hotels maybe. But did Georgia film crews get the jobs or were these teams imported in from foreign climes? Does anybody know? Who knows?

Watching the ads, it is clear politics might not be Ossoff's strong suit. He sure was pretty in all those slick productions.  

Since "Pretty Boy Jon" has so many friends in Hollywood, maybe all the Beautiful People can get him a part in their next project. Ossoff sure is pretty. The camera loves his eyes. Why, he could play just about any role. And his ego is already big. See? A perfect fit. 

Oh, hell. What was I thinking? 

Ossoff can't move to Hollywood. And it's a good thing he didn't win, too. Since he couldn't leave her side, what would his girlfriend do had he won? 

Breaking the rules from the very beginning of the race, Ossoff didn't live in the very district he wanted to represent. He got away with that infraction by citing as his main reason that thing all Socialists claim is more important than anything: 

Caring.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Ossoff cared about his girlfriend to whom he was affianced and she was going to Emory and she just had to live close by the school and he just had to live with her and nobody but nobody was going to stop him from supporting her dreams and goals, no sirree.

Still, Ossoff was gracious in his loss saying, "This is not the outcome any of us were hoping for. But this is the beginning of something much bigger than us."

That quote might sound like a platitude, but it does, in fact, stay within DPS' marching orders: Keep in lockstep as one shouts the party line.

Social media is already lit up with explanations of why he lost. The best one yet? Ossoff's opponent party cheated by having the borders of the district changed to have more of their friends in it.

Rule breakers complaining about breaking rules? Folks, you can't make this stuff up.